HindKick manoeuvre could work wonders

Dear AB

Jislaaik boet, what the hell happened against India?

As captain of the Proteas, I’m afraid the buck stops with you. Losing is one thing, but to capitulate like you guys did on Sunday is, well, just not cricket.

There were times out there where you looked like a deer caught in the headlights. You didn’t know your fine leg from your elbow.

What concerns me is your apparent reluctance to talk to the guys when things aren’t going right. I’ve noticed captains of other national teams giving vent to their frustration by shouting at their team-mates, either one-onone or as a group.

When the chips are down you often tend to stand alone, stroking your chin as if it will produce a magic genie with a solution to the woes. It just makes you look out of your depth as a leader.

This is my beef. You are a fantastic cricketer, but this captaincy jol just isn’t for you.

However, if the powers-that-be insist you are still the right man to lead us in the 50-over game, let me give you some pointers.

I really didn’t want to go there, but I’m afraid I now have no choice. You’ve probably heard about the Heimlich manoeuvre …

Guy Hawthorne

it’s an emergency action to help save lives of people who are … sorry … choking.

I’m not going to tell you about that because I’m sure you are familiar with it, but next time (if there is a next time) you lead our boys out in an ODI, perhaps you could consider the HindKick manoeuvre.

The HindKick manoeuvre won’t help Faf if he is choking on a sweet, but it might help change the attitude of those players dragging the side down.

There are too many guys in the Proteas side who, on current form, don’t belong. And when that poor form continues to plague them, their heads drop and things go from bad to worse. The game is about talent, sure, but it is also about attitude and a defeatist one isn’t going to help when things go pear-shaped.

The fact that they are in the team is, I know, not entirely your fault as you don’t have the final say in selections, but if they are going to be there, the HindKick manoeuvre is surely going to have to be employed.

It’s quite simple, really. As the name implies, if you see one of your players who looks as if he’s on the verge of “choking”, go up to him, spin him around and give him a good skop in the rear end. Apart from jolting him into action, it is sure to get the attention of your other team-mates and encourage them to up their game.

I doubt the HindKick manoeuvre is going to make it into any coaching manuals, but then I haven’t seen some of those captaincy “tactics” you currently employ there either.