Springboks cannot perform on a wet pitch

In the wake of a weekend’s sport in which England’s red cross of St George prevailed on two important fronts, the Arithmetically Challenged Golfer donned his philosophical cap and decided to expand horizons.

He remains incapable of computing his scorecard accurately, but still harbours the self-confident belief that he is the leading expert in all matters of a sporting variety and that the members of the usual gathering should bow to his self-styled superior knowledge. At times he even makes sense in a twisted type of way.

But there can be little doubt about his passion for sport, a pervading trait which in many instances tends to take the edge off what he has to say, and while it might not endear him to the assembly, is normally treated in the way a duck’s back deals with water.

“All of us,” he said, “and that extends to the national coach, have to realise that Springbok rugby exists on several levels. We have an A team and a combination which performs below that level; a group of players who can perform in most circumstances, and another group which can’t.

“The group who took to the soaked field at Newlands on Saturday cannot even vaguely – with some obvious exceptions – be pegged as an all-weather side. But then if three barefoot warriors came to grief just getting on to the playing surface, it was clear from the beginning that the Boks would have problems.

“No single player brought this out more than Elton Jantjies, who missed an early conversion and conceded a charge down. This had to have been his least successful outing in a Springbok jersey.

“But what is really significant is that this was largely the same line-up which performed with such grit and passion in clinching the series against England in the Ellis Park and Bloemfontein Tests.

“It got me thinking of the clinical fashion the England side dismantled any real hopes Panama might have had of making an impression on the World Cup in Russia (how do you pronouce Nizhny Novgorod?) in a 6-1 demolition.

“For most of the match, England were in total control against a team whose hot blood seemed to overcome common sense,” continued the Arithmetically Challenged One.

“It leads me to the conclusion that if conditions are in their favour, both the Springbok rugby team and the England World Cup outfit are flat-track bullies. It is something the Boks will have to disprove in the June Tests and Harry Kane and his side will have to live down against Belgium on Thursday.”

It was an interesting pattern of thought and – for once – left the Arithmetically Challenged One with few dissenting voices.