China can launch missiles, but not balls
Dear online buyers
We recently acquired a new dog; a Border Collie who is nuts about balls. Apart from a few minutes to wolf down his food or make a “deposit” at the bottom of the garden, his every waking moment is spent playing “fetch”.
I also enjoy ball sports. When I was at school our cricket captain always sent me to long-off when he was setting his field. It was probably because I was one of the worst fielders in the team but I would like to believe it was because I had such a strong throwing arm. Shoulder surgery a few months back curtailed my mobility and I found it difficult to throw the ball for Deku, our new addition. My missus and stepdaughter also became tired of his incessant need to retrieve a ball and I decided something had to be done.
I did a Google search for “dog ball launchers” and discovered a product that, on the surface, appeared to be just what we were looking for. It was advertised as an “automatic ball launcher”, with an accompanying picture of the unit with a ball shooting out of the exit cavity with a fair bit of velocity.
When my package arrived, I was bubbling over with excitement so imagine my bitter disappointment when I opened it to find that the “launcher” doesn’t launch
Guy Hawthorne
the ball at all but rather spits it out like a baby getting rid of a spoonful of mashed broccoli. The words “automatic” and “launch” are misnomers when it comes to this product. I know people who can drool further than this thing “launches” the ball. It is about as useful as breasts on a bull!
I expected something that cost close to R1 000 to at least offer Deku a bit of exercise, even if it didn’t discourage him from constantly bugging us to throw his ball. But if I did manage to teach him to “Put The Ball In”, as per the instructions, he wouldn’t have to move very far to retrieve it as it dribbled out of the exit cavity. The product claims it “inspires natural fun and exercise”. It would be more fun watching grass grow and Deku would get more exercise lying in his bed.
To his credit, Nick Louskas from Racer Gadgets was fantastic. I forwarded him a video to demonstrate the ineffectiveness of the launcher and he immediately arranged for a full refund, including courier fees and taxes. It turns out I was the first South African to purchase this Chinese-made product and Nick had no idea it was such a dud.
I still have no ball launcher for Deku so if there are any aspiring engineers out there who fancy a go at getting the useless piece of moulded plastic I have to actually launch a ball, or anyone with a second-hand tennis ball machine they want to get rid of, drop me a tweet. In the meantime, we will continue to take turns to throw the ball for Deku in the forlorn hope he eventually tires of the game.
I thought internet shopping was meant to make our lives easier. Instead, I’m paying the price for progress...