Better off divorced than dead

As we begin to once again wage a war against the threat of extinction as women in South Africa, it has become obvious we must wage our wars differently.

We have cried and have silently protested; we have taken to social media and voiced our suffering and pain; and we formed movements to speak for us.

We are afraid. We want to enjoy the freedoms afforded to our male counterparts. We want to walk the great plains of the nation without a target on our backs – but we cannot continue to plead for our lives because this no longer works.

Short of taking arms, we need to wage the war for our lives differently.

The very first way, it goes without saying, is for young men and boys to be taught to accept that rejection is part of life.

We must accept that there are things our hearts desire that may not be granted to us, including relationships.

That women are too scared to end relationships because we are too afraid to accept the finality of the end, is ridiculous. When love is no longer served at a table, we all deserve the right to walk away.

When infidelity finds itself in a relationship, walking away is a better alternative.

To resort to murder or violence shows that one refuses to accept rejection. It must be normal that women have the right to leave their relationships – even their marriages.

That at weddings we are told to persevere is ultimately telling us to go toe-to-toe with death in order to retain the title of Mrs.

I will never forget my father’s words he said to me the day before my wedding: “Whenever life gets too hard, treat your home as your reset button. There is no pressure from me, this is your home.”

Those words remain in my mind. My father preferred a divorced daughter than a deceased one. For that comfort, I continue to love my dad even in his grave.

I then spoke to a friend, and she told me how – in her early twenties – she fought back when her boyfriend slapped her and attempted to strangle her.

By no means a small girl, she held on to him until onlookers intervened. She ran and has never looked back.