Raising a good dad
CRITICAL ROLE: ACTION TO HEAL DEEP PATERNAL WOUNDS IN SA Moms supported by their children’s fathers have greater satisfaction.
Fathers must rise to the task of healing the nation’s deep paternal wounds which are tied to social ills facing South Africa today, a community organisation has urged.
Father A Nation (FAN), is highlighting the critical role of fatherhood in shaping the young minds of boys and young adults.
Family dynamics demonstrate the importance of balanced homes where children have more than one caregiver and the value of the role a father plays in this relationship, says FAN chief executive Craig Wilkinson.
Broken families, broken nation
FAN, a non-profit organisation that works to encourage positive masculinity and fatherhood in communities across South Africa, is recognising men who are rising to the task of healing the nation by loving their children and treating fatherhood as an action rather than just a state of being.
In South Africa about onefifth (21.3%) of children aged 17 and under do not live with their parents. Teenage pregnancy is rife and labour migration patterns persist with men and women leaving rural towns to find work leaving children to be raised by someone else.
According to Stats South Africa, 42% of children in the country live with their mothers only whereas four percent live with only their fathers, about 64% of children don’t live in the same household as their biological father and are more likely to be raised by a female caregiver.
According to the 2019 General Household survey, household compositions are shaped by the residential patterns of their members and their relationship to one another, it this imperative to emphasise the importance of positive male figures.
Redress begins with focusing on what is being done correctly and how to cultivate that in all men and boys. For one thing, men have been at the forefront of numerous endeavours to mobilise communities to improve the role of men in society, fight gender-based violence (GBV) and teach boys and men the values of manhood and fatherhood.
“Fathers, uncles and grandfathers who have stepped up and made an example of themselves that others can and should follow,” says Wilkinson.
“We are seeing more single-fathers, step-fathers and co-parenting fathers showing how we can make fatherhood work.”
It may take a village to raise a good father
It may seem counter-intuitive to focus on the positive contributions of men in society when violence and abuse at the hands of men is so rife, but redress begins with focusing on what is being done correctly and how to cultivate this in all men and boys. More and more men are getting involved in fighting gender-based violence (GBV) and teaching boys and men the values of manhood.
“The message that true masculinity is a powerful force for good and teaching about what that means needs to be driven home at all levels of society,” says Wilkinson.
Businesses need to play their part too, driving education, awareness, and support for staff, who return home as fathers, brothers and sons.
“We have seen the positive impact of working with partners such as Bettabets whose staff and other stakeholders have participated in our two online courses aimed at helping men stand against GBV and learn about responsible fatherhood, masculinity and manhood,” he says. Migrant labour, teenage pregnancy and other social circumstances have resulted in mostly women being left to raise children. When it is not the mother, it is often the grandmother or another female relative. FAN believes more fathers are stepping up as evidenced in courts, where fathers are fighting for joint custody or r access to their kids.
According to the United Nations International Children’s Fund, men, women and children benefit from engaged, responsive fatherhood and the participation of men in their lives.
For children, these factors positively affect development outcomes, including physical, socio-emotional and academic development. In addition, mothers who are supported by their children’s fathers experience greater satisfaction from their parenting roles, have lower levels of stress and are less likely to suffer mental health problems.
Changing the narrative
History has proven that the remedy for broken families is to hearken back to the natural call to men as protectors and nurturers.
Addressing the issues that prevent men from being able to conduct themselves as the natural born leaders, builders and fathers that they are is a task that begins with approaching men and boys with compassion, not blame.
Holding men accountable need not take away from this most fundamental need for people to be treated like their feelings matter too.
“There is great potential that can be unlocked in children if