Egg doesn’t crack like the ANC

The little Egg and I both gained a few kilos over the past festive season. We have to start exercising, I told her two weeks ago after a painful encounter with the bathroom scale.

“I’m not running,” she told me immediately.

“Okay,” I said, knowing that my little girl hates running. “But we’ll have to walk at least.”

We’ve been walking most evenings since, but it has been a battle.

“Running and walking aren’t my kind of sports, she told me. I think I’m much more of a tennis player.”

Which I doubt. At the end of last year, we had a discussion with her tennis coach and had told us: “She has shown slight improved over this year.”

But it was abundantly clear that we shouldn’t dream about a future Wimbledon final for our seven year old.

“I’ve hit two balls in the back yard this afternoon,” she told me.

“I missed the first one, but the second one was a beauty! I hit it high into a tree.”

“I don’t think the idea is to hit tennis balls high into a tree,” I told her.

She shook her head.

“My tennis teacher told me I must hit the ball in such a way that my opponent can’t return it.

“None of the other kids in my tennis group will be able to get it out of the tree.

“I can’t wait to tell my teacher about the shot.”

“I think we should consider cricket as a sport for her,” I told my son last weekend. “There you’re allowed to hit the ball high into a tree.”

“No,” he replied. “You have to score runs and you know what she thinks about running.”

When little Egg took part in her school’s athletic meeting, we could see progression.

Last year, she and another unathletic girl were locked in a fierce battle for the wooden spoon.

Now, suddenly, she is fifth-last – and that made me the proudest father on the bleachers.

My little girl is improving. Which is much more than you can say about the ANC. Corruption, service delivery, healthcare, education, crime prevention… nothing has improved over the past decade.

Uncle Cyril, if you want to come and walk with us in the evenings, give me a call.

Or else things might not look good when you and your party run in the elections later this year.