No rest for Man United’s diverse followers
It would be fair to say that among the millions worldwide who follow Manchester United – the veritable tsunami of replica shirts which have flooded the most obscure corners of the globe endorse the numbers – range from the fanatical to the cynical fellow travellers and then those who frankly don’t give a damn and would often be more than happy if the iconic club lose.
There are more of the former than you can shake a proverbial stick at; the second category are, like ice cream at the height of a highveld summer, apt to slowly melt away, while the third class speaks for itself.
The trio who sat at the core of the usual gathering were an accurate representation of the spectrum as they lined up to watch Manchester United take on Leicester.
The Incomprehensible Scot is a typical example of those who utter the words “Old Trafford” in tones resonant with the reverence generally reserved for visiting royalty. The rumours that Wayne Rooney was likely to be benched for the first time since Boxing Day last year, had been greeted with something approaching openmouthed amazement.
“Tha merino,” said the Incomprehensible One, in reference to United’s new Portuguese manager Jose Mourinho, “cannae ha his heid on tha reet way. Man U keep losin’ an huz axin’ tha top players the noo.”
And so it seemed as United looked content to go through their leaded-footed pace in the first period of play, echoing the reversals at the hands of Watford, Man City an Bournemouth in the English Premiership and Feyenoord in the Europa League.
But then Chris Smalling’s header opened the scoring for United just after the 20-minute mark, to be followed by a crisply-struck goal by Juan Mata, and headed corners by Marcus Rashford and Paul Pogba – his first goal for the club – and they went into half-time 4-0 to the good over the reigning champions. “That,” said Dave the Silent, a man firmly entrenched in the second category, “is more like it. I support United because they tend to win rather from some deep-seated adherence to football as a way of life. But this reaffirms my faith in that decision. The natural balance of things seems to have been restored.”
It earned him one of those sidelong looks from the Fearsome Fireman, in truth a fairly gentle soul, but a West Ham supporter to the tips of his Crocs, and a man entrenched in the third leg of the equation.
He had made his preferences quite forcibly by arriving with a T-shirt adorned in suitably biblical script with the phrase “On the sixth day the good Lord created West Ham” just to show his true allegiance.
The Incomprehensible One just shook his head, but the Silent One couldn’t resist the temptation. “I notice there is no mention of the seventh day of the week which is of course Sunday, “he remarked. “I see you are down to play Southampton this Sunday and I thought it only fit to point out that Sunday is the seventh day of the week, the day the good Lord rested.”