I don’t eat out on the wild side

For some or other reason there’s certain eatables I don’t eat. Like wild animals. See, I abhor hunting innocent species in their natural habitat. Like lion. And beautiful buck that would inspire choreographers seeking new dainty dance steps.

Take kudu. A well-known hunter says: “It remains on the top of the list for just about every hunter. The kudu is a big antelope with a stately bearing. He is strikingly beautiful, with long spiral horns that set him apart from all other of the antelope species.”

That begs my question: Why set out to deliberately kill – and eat – this “beautiful species”?

There’s no way I’d hunt and eat this unique buck.

Change of scene. Our favourite beach restaurant offers lamb curry on a Sunday. It’s cold, wet and misty, so red hot Durban Indian is the way to go.

Oh, I eat lamb with ease. They’re sheep, not born in the wild. In our neck of the woods they eat healthy – and do a Zuma giggle on the way to the gallows. They die happy.

The waitress sets out the table with sambals associated with curry. Roti and green chilli. Except for the blob of lentils. With lamb curry? Probably an innovative and imaginative chef.

The main dish arrives. Looks a little darker than usual. Probably because it was cooked in spinach, suggests my Heidi.

It wasn’t bad. Okay, the lamb was a tad chewy – but with the sambals, it went down well. The aftertaste, too, added to a good meal. The grape juice also complemented satisfied taste buds.

Then the bill arrives. It’s customary for Heidi, a professional tick bird, to do the audit.

Her beady eyes scan the items. They freeze. “What's this?”

“What?” I whisper with dread, as I hate confrontation in public. “It says here you’ve just eaten kudu curry. That explains the lentils.”

The waitress confirms she got the order wrong. My stomach churns. I had gorged on a poor, innocent kudu gunned down by a merciless hunter.

At that point I’m reminded of the kudu hunter who asks Pastor Yougo if it is a sin to hunt on Sunday. “From what I hear about your aim, it’s a sin for you to hunt anytime.”

I pay penance with serious heartburn and wild aftertaste of grass and leaves.