Couch the only remedy for ailing Proteas

There is something about the Proteas’ approach to big tournaments I don’t get.

If you strain a muscle, you go see a physiotherapist, right?

If you have a bad cough and runny nose you go see a general practitioner, right?

If you struggle with your eyesight you see an optometrist, right?

Okay, you get it. So, who would therefore be the best qualified medical professional to assist a sports team bursting with talent and achievements, but known for their well-documented and inexplicable lapses during their constant failures in big tournaments? A head shrink, right? Apparently not.

Take a quick glance around the Proteas’ backroom staff and you will find a coach, three assistants, a fitness trainer, a physio, a team doctor, a logistical manager, a video analyst and a media manager and I’m probably missing a chef or hairdresser. But no sign of someone who specialises in what goes on between the ears.

And captain AB de Villiers’ denial of possible psychological hindrances during big matches is certainly not helping the cause.

“It wasn’t a mental thing. We just didn’t play well. We’ve covered all the bases. There’s no doubt about that,’’ he said in the aftermath of their horrendously poor showing against India on Sunday.

If all the bases were covered, you wouldn’t have been watching the rest of the tournament on television. Covering all the bases doesn’t mean having three all-rounders, a leggie and a leftarm spinner in the squad. It’s much deeper-lying than that.

This isn’t the first time you’ve underperformed at a big event, you know. You went into the Champions Trophy as the No 1-ranked team, you had the world’s two leading bowlers in this format and a staggering four batsmen in the top 10. And conditions were less foreign to South African born and bred players than most other places outside the Republic. Why didn’t these world-class players perform in a way befitting their status and catapult the team to new heights?

“There are players who are clearly doing things out of character for them. Some of the performances and decision-making is symptomatic of players who are under pressure,’’ renowned sports scientist Ross Tucker told The Citizen this week. ‘’They’ve become saddled with the chokers tag, which is scornfully applied, and it gets into the minds of the players. They start thinking about failure, which is never a good thing. They then worry about the consequences of failure and don’t cope with it very well.’’

Sorry AB, but just as I’m not going to ask Tucker for batting tips, I’m not going to live with your take on matters psychological.

Toothache is awful, yet sometimes we are naive enough to wish it will go away by itself. It may just behave through your sandwiches over lunch, only to flare up during post-dinner ice cream.

But when it becomes unbearable, a dentist remains the only option despite your hatred for that cold chair, the high-pitched drilling sound and the vacuum nozzle harassing your tongue. But when the numbness in your gum subsides, it was all worth it.

Stop being in denial AB and lead your team-mates to the couch. A proud cricketing nation can’t stand the pain anymore.