The perfect way to liven up sport in our land

Irealised the other day how much I miss you as Minister of Sport. If you’ll pardon the expression, it’s missing the “razzmatazz” it had when you were the head honcho.

I read an article about strippers arranged for convicts at a South African prison. Being the minister of police, I’m sure you have a close relationship with Advocate Michael Masutha, the Minister of Correctional Services, so you could easily find out how he got this done.

Anyway, these shenanigans got me thinking. We need to do something to put bums on seats at stadiums. I’m sure, like me, there are thousands of sports fans who would rather watch sport in the comfort of their own home, where the drinks are free and plentiful, you don’t have to queue for the loo and you don’t run the risk of getting caught in a roadblock (by those vigilant officers of yours) on your way home after the game.

But if they had strippers as part of the pre- or post-match entertainment … now that would get me thinking about the merits of my couch.

The strippers would do wonders for these gimmicky events, @GuyHawthorne like the Proteas playing cricket against the Springboks or Floyd Mayweather fighting that mixed martial arts dude Conor McGregor. I mean, what were the promoters thinking? One of the world’s greatest boxers against (if what I read is true) one of the world’s greatest MMA fighters.

For me, it’s a bit like pitting Roger Federer against Rory McIlroy on the tennis court. There are similarities in that both play a sport that involves balls, and an implement with which to hit those balls, but other than that they are worlds apart.

However, throw in some stripper action before and after the match and I would seriously think about attending.

Maybe you could suggest it to the Mayweather-McGregor promoters. From what I remember, you and Floyd were as close as Siamese twins the last time he visited our shores. So I’m sure you could contact him and ask him to put you in touch with the relevant organisers.

You know what I’m on about when I talk about this stripper gig.

I should have known I was preaching to the converted, but then I forgot that time you wanted to arrange for Beyonce to perform at the SA Sport Awards. Genius! I know you got panned for it by those naysayers who wanted the money spent on real sport, but I get where you were coming from.

We need to spice things up in the sports arena so I was hoping you would have a quiet word in the ear of your successor Thembelani Nxesi about the merits of strippers at live sports events.

Just a thought.