Spider-Man to the rescue, Cyril

Aspider bit me recently and I had to live with pain and fever for the past three weeks. “Damn, that must hurt,” the lovely Snapdragon said when I showed her the swollen red wound. “They don’t make men like you anymore.”

“You think so?” I asked – not a little proud.

“Yes, most modern men are intelligent enough to go to the doctor with a wound like that. They threw the mould away after they’ve made you, and you can’t really blame them.”

Snapdragon is not known for the quality of her humour.

Anyway, it seems to heal nicely, but last night it was itchy. I’m sure it is my Spider-senses developing.

I haven’t noticed any (new) superpowers developing, but don’t be surprised if The Citizen reports on a web-slinging, wall-crawling superhero who fights crime in Johannesburg very soon.

I’ll just slip into my superhero-outfit in the back of my panel van (we don’t have phone booths anymore), and when I get home after a night of crimefighting, Snapdragon will be none the wiser. Women simply don’t recognise the superhero in their husbands, particularly not if they wear glasses in their everyday newspapering life. Just ask Superman.

If you believe the comics, glasses are the perfect disguise when it comes to wives.

I think I’ll try my theory this weekend. I’ll just slip a pair of spectacles onto our offspring’s nose and Snapdragon should say: “Who is this strange, plump little girl with the glasses?”

But there is something else I’ll have to do first: hunt down that spider. Uncle Cyril needs it.

His job is one with superhuman challenges. No mere mortal is able to keep the entire South Africa happy, that is very clear.

I’ve studied his new Cabinet closely earlier this week.

Some appointments testify of genius, but other ministers have been lazing in Cabinet for so long, they are covered in cobwebs.

Which is not the same as Spiderman’s suberwebs, I’m afraid. Cobwebs are useless in the fight against corruption.

But it is also obvious that he can’t just sack them and replace those people with competent, hard-working new ministers, because in our dear country, political games have always enjoyed preference over serving the people.

But it’s a problem a set of superhero muscles should solve quickly.