To whom this may concern

Sometimes letters come to my house meant for me, but addressed to Mrs Connolly. These I give to Himself, with instructions to pass them on to his mother, because I do not share their surname. I am nobody’s Mrs Connolly. I am Ms Ridyard. I will also answer to Jennie, Jennifer, or Madam.

At a push I will accept Miss Ridyard (or even Mrs if you’re sending me money) but, since I don’t go by these titles, you might as well call me something more salubrious, like Dr or Prof or Your Majesty. But Madam is fine. Or “Dear Sir or Madam”. Or even “To whom it may concern”. But definitely not “Dear Sir”. However, when I think back to my schooling days, the salutation we were instructed to use if there were any uncertainty was always “Dear Sir”.

This, we were told, was preferable to the anonymous “To whom…” and infinitely more acceptable than “Dear Sir or Madam”, because a man would be insulted to be referred to as a woman, while the converse did not apply.

And there, dear Sirs, we have it: patriarchy encapsulated in the formal letter-writing learned in primary school, with the implicit message that to be female is to be less, worse even than to remain indeterminate.

I am certain no school worth its salt teaches this nowadays, I hope not, anyway. And if they do, then they should be quickly corrected/ burned down.

And yet, for those who have long since escaped from formal education, I think the time has come for the issue to be addressed, and not to “Dear Sir”.

If you want a job, but the female boss gets an application to Dear Sir, then it will likely be binned; a female bank manager will sneer at a loan application that lazily assumes masculinity; and potential sales clients will cease to have any potential if you get this wrong.

How you approach someone is imperative in formal letters if you are hoping to make a good impression, be it via post or email.

Yet it’s easy: Dear Madam or Sir, or Dear Sir/ Madam will do perfectly well. Better yet, find their actual surname – surely that is what Google is for? – and use it.

But please, if the addressee is female and you don’t know their preferred title, then go with Ms.

Or just feel free to address me as Queen of the World.