All the world’s a stage, Zuma

Works of Shakespeare are intimidating, especially to the ignorant who are unable to come to grips with a language purported to be English.

But there are two lines I clearly recall from As You Like It: “All the world’s a stage, and all the men and women merely players.” The section makes good sense, probably because it was written by Shakespeare’s mystery co-authors who insisted on English for dummies.

The wonder of the piece is that it allows for wild imaginings. Like picturing a stage setting with actors from all walks of life performing drama, comedy, mystery, murder, romances, horror...

Comedy is always a favourite, and who better qualified to get us rolling in the aisles than our politicians. Their antics in parliament will provide brilliant entertainment. Nonsensical utterances are a scriptwriter’s dream. And there’s no shortage of comical facial expressions, and comatose parliamentarians in flabby bodies lounging on the benches to amuse.

Their lives off stage are ideal plots for romantic drama with a touch of eroticism thrown in. Who can forget the former president who for a decade hogged centre stage with his loving concubines and extra-mural interactions under the shower.

Horror? Alfred Hitchcock will have a field day selecting from a line-up of parliamentarians (yes, including the opposition) that will have you ducking for cover.

What about serious opera? The score is already written and the actors cast. Even the title is a given: Phantom of the Spy Tapes with Dubula ibhunu as the main aria sung by protégé Floyd Shivambu. (He still finds time studying for a doctorate).

There’s another in the pipeline: Phantoms II, dealing with corruption starring the Gupta Gang with a supporting cast of fingered national executive committee members.

President Cyril is still studying the script before deciding to act (sic).

There’s still a queue of potential crooks, eh, performers, so it’s difficult to choose the lead actor.

The Hawks, an agency seeking would-be actors, are on a recruitment drive. It is rumoured Zuma is making a comeback. Missing the curtain calls, is he?

The stage is set for good ongoing theatre with performers who, to quote Shakespeare again, “have their exits and entrances”.