Look on the bright side of life

It might only be the middle of February, but I think now is the perfect time to write a letter to Santa. The Post Office is always telling us to get our Christmas mail in early, so who knows, with a bit of luck, my letter might just reach the North Pole on time.

I don’t intend asking Santa for a Christmas gift. And I don’t intend promising to be a good boy for the remainder of the year. No. I have a more pressing request. I want Santa to start a political party.

I’m quite convinced he is the go-to guy this time round. Think about it. There has never been any labour unrest in Santa’s toy factories. There’s no unemployment, no graft, no crime. And, boy, do they deliver!

Imagine our politicians running Santa’s North Pole. The black market for toys would be huge and we all know who’s children would get subcontracted to do the deliveries.

Santa will obviously not be able to do at all himself, not even with the help of all the elves, but with an uncompromised little team, I’m sure he would outperform our current oversized leadership.

For one, I would recommend the Tooth Fairy to take over the finances. Nobody is better at collecting and distributing revenue more timeously or fairly. And after centuries of dedication, the Tooth Fairy still boasts a sparkling clean record – not a single private cavity stuffed with cash.

After hearing how the fat bastards from Bosasa raked in millions with catering contracts, I’d like to see the Easter Bunny in charge of school and prison feeding schemes. At least he won’t keep all the chocolate for himself.

But politics is not just about the ruling party. Democracy, by its very nature, demands opposition. And here, I nominate the Three Musketeers.

We need a trio of opposition leaders who can work together to ensure that Santa and the rest of the gang stay on the straight and narrow. Unfortunately, our current opposition are not quite of that calibre.

So please Santa, see what you can do.

PS. I’m writing the letter in the dark thanks to Eskom. But no matter how dark it is, we should always try to look on the bright side of life.