Why we can’t spank our kids

South Africa is a reactive country, a country of emotions, a country full of potential and promise. All our emotions came to the fore when we refused to be dictated to when the Constitutional Court wanted to tell us how to raise our children – we were not having it.

I was raised in a house where corporal punishment was a last resort. I had level-headed, patient and calm parents – but I also had very strict and disciplined parents. There were no negotiations on a rule or instruction.

But now, a court of law has told me that the “tried and tested” is not an option. I will be the first to admit I have used corporal punishment on both my child and others that have been left in my care.

Did I abuse my child(ren) in that moment? I do not think so. Did he learn a lesson? I’d like to believe he did. Would I continue to use corporal punishment? Most likely yes. Does everyone agree with my parenting style? Definitely not and that’s okay.

But when did we get to a point when the justice system had to police us on parenting? What should have been corrective punishment has now, over the years, escalated to violence that today holds this country under siege.

To say parents meting out corporal punishment is the reason South Africa is the rape capital of the world, femicide is at unbelievable levels and the murder rate leaves one cold, is laughable.

Children are drowning in a lack of structure, guidance and discipline. But they also lack love, affection, time and encouragement from their parents – we are absent parents, we have abandoned our children for the streets, televisions and the rest of society to raise.

And now, when the courts also step in to raise these very same children, we are up in arms.

The very core of the abandonment exists: single parents who work hours to keep food on the table; the irresponsible parent who would rather light up the dance floor than be the light in their children’s hearts; the Houdini father who disappeared at the very first sight of responsibility.

We have abandoned our children. We need to question our complicity and, from there, the solutions will stem.