The day I slept with an alien

As a child, I never dreamed of being an astronaut. But as an adult, I haven’t stopped wondering what it would be like to be on that first spaceship to Mars.

Imagine being one of those select few tasked with going off into the great unknown, literally taking mankind’s first steps into the universe and beyond.

The lockdown really has opened my eyes to what we can – and cannot – do without.

Yes, we will need a scientist or two to ensure the basics like water, food, oxygen, a jacuzzi… But life – and mankind – is about so much more than the basics.

I’ll be completely honest: I’m not going to Mars if we don’t somehow take a beautician and a hair stylist along.

When our merry little band of explorers take off to represent our species in galaxies yet unheard of, we at least – at the very least – should look like prime specimens.

I know Hollywood loves aliens that look like creatures from our nightmares, but I’ll be damned if I’m going to be one.

Imagine waking up one cold, dark morning on Mars and standing next to you is a creature with toenails designed to climb trees and hair that’s meant to act as both defence mechanism and bug-trap.

In the still unfamiliar surroundings, your instincts take over completely. First, you decide to take flight, because that is mankind’s survival technique.

But then you realise the creature is not quite as daunting and get ready to defend what’s yours. Your family, your new home. Flight makes way for fight.

Then, deep down in your subconscious, a voice tells you this creature is not quite as life-threatening as first perceived.

In fact, there’s something familiar about it.

You freeze. The only perceptible movement are your eyeballs as they follow the creature. Then it places a mug of coffee next to your bed and your wife’s voice echoes through the room…

So, no beautician/hair stylist on Mars, no me.

PS: Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual recent events, is purely coincidental.