A misread that ended in tears

She asked for my help and support. Full stop. I did not, in any way, play even the slightest role in her decision to lose weight. It was one hundred percent her decision.

Whether it was a January thing, or a preamble to a possible trip to Europe later in the year, I have no idea.

All I know is she asked for a plan... and I drafted one.

So, taking a few hours off, I penned a blueprint for the best way to support her in this endeavour.

In the end, I thought I had come up with a patentable multipoint plan.

For starters, we would have to get rid of all the desserts and sweet treats already in the house.

Let us not lead ourselves into temptation, was my thinking.

Let’s be honest, who can fall asleep when there’s a decadently rich pecan nut pie or a gooseflesh-inducing chocolate cake begging to be liberated from the fridge?

Next step would be to ensure that there’s no cheat eating.

For that, we would have to cut up the “reward” cards. All of them.

The problem with reward cards is that they usually just reward bad behaviour.

I’ve never seen a buy one rye bread and get one free reward special.

Those rewards are restricted to sweets and fully loaded sugar soda drinks and cakes and all the things listed under impermissible in my blueprint.

Also, delivery apps need deleting. The 60 billion calories in a 60-minutes delivery service is a no-no if we want to lose weight.

The coup de grace in my blueprint, however, was the result of watching my granddaughter cook an imaginary meal on her wooden toy stove, using those little plastic toy pots and pans.

Drum roll… small pots and pans.

Really small. Tiny, like toddlers use.

Imagine pots and pans that can hold only half a potato, three teaspoons of rice, one bean, a quarter of a carrot…

You get the picture.

Cook with those and overindulgence would simply be impossible.

I must say, I was completely floored when my brilliant plan produced a flood of tears, anger, and three days of silent treatment.

I was only trying to help. It seems I may have completely misread her cry for help.