Cruel breed of social media ‘bailer’ here to stay

ON WEDNESDAY night, the country celebrated. Fireworks erupted, champagne corks were popped and many strangers, at midnight, shared a cheeky kiss.

There were parties, lots and lots of parties. Events which took weeks to organise – canapés, starters, mains and puddings, wines, cheese, port and coffee. And don’t forget the table plan – or its politics! John and his new girlfriend are coming, so Lucy – the ex – can’t be opposite, Tom and his fiancée Elspeth, who unbeknown to him has been sleeping with his best friend, Mike, on the sly for the past six months – well they can’t be near each other, can they? And don’t even get started on Ruth and Emma, both married but – in a boozy haze – had a little experimentation on Josie’s hen-do, last month. It’s a minefield.

But you managed it. You orchestrated it beautifully. The party was kicking off in an hour. Just the right amount of time to do your face and slip into the new dress. You headed upstairs, relaxed (sort of) at last, and then your phone beeped. It was a Facebook message.

“Hey, so sorry babe, I’m not going to be able to make it tonight. Got a massive deadline at work that I completely forgot about. So sorry! Drinks in NY please Xxx.”

Welcome to the curse of the “bailer”. The “bailer” belongs to a cruel breed. They readily accept invitations, wholeheartedly state that they will be in attendance, and then in the final lead up to the event cancel – nowadays without even having the decency to call. It’s the peculiar paradox of social media – what was created to make people even more sociable, actually makes us more anti-social.

Yes, we may be invited to more events – it only takes a few clicks on Facebook; more house parties, dinner dates and pub nights, but when the bailers respond – if they do at all – it’s done without thought. When they tick attending, it doesn’t, sadly, mean they’re actually planning to come. There’s no real commitment.

The immediacy of online facilitates rudeness. It enables the “bailer”. Texts, snap chats, e-mails; they are constantly connected, and in a position to communicate – to change plans, or to cancel at the very last minute if they wish.

Bella Blackett, a director of an events company, agrees: “People are spoilt with invitations nowadays. They pick and choose what they want – and cancelling is much easier for them. Everyone has a phone and, with the touch of a button, they can communicate.”

Bailers, Blackett continues, “take things for granted. They don’t organise themselves, or feel that they need to be organised until the last minute”.

Indeed, back in the day, before the technological noughties, if you said you’d meet someone at a pub at 7pm, you’d meet someone at the pub at 7pm. But now, how casually people drop texts apologising and saying they’re running late.

New Year’s Eve – the most socially ingrained day of the year, where peo- ple are obsessed with attending the best party – is the prime environment for bailers; both the occasional and habitual kind. But what can you do? How can you dissuade the bailer from bailing – and destroying that table plan?

“You can’t,” Blackett says. “The best thing to do is to be relaxed about the situation. The reality is this generation is a lot ruder than our parents’ generation. It’s likely that people will cancel, but you shouldn’t allow it to ruin your night.”

So, sadly, it seems that there’s nothing we can do. The bailer is here to stay. – The Daily Telegraph