Connecting beyond the tangled web of life
IN DISCONNECTED, the band 5 Seconds of Summer sing “Life’s a tangled web of cellphone calls and hashtag I-don’t-knows. And you, you’re so caught up in all the blinking lights and dial tones”.
Many us are victims of this worldwide system; leading superficial lives with superficial connections. We know that there is power in networks, in deep friendships, in leveraging the strengths of others, in holding ourselves accountable to others.
Yet, we are held back by nothing more than our own excuses.
Do any of these sound familiar? “No one in my company or friend group understands me. I’m an introvert and I’m terrified to go out and approach people. I don’t have any interesting stories or ideas to share with others. The people I want to connect with are too far out of my league” (Source: The Top 24 Reasons Keeping You from Having World-Class Connections, created by Scott Dinsmore for Forbes Magazine).
Dinsmore states that every reason we give for not making connections is “an assumption that needs to be tested and proven wrong”. It’s a challenging prospect but one that can yield amazing results in our lives.
There are some easy ways to connect with people, options accessible to even the most introverted among us: ý Listen intently We live in a world that is constantly “shouting”. Information bombards us all day and it is understandable that we filter most of what goes on around us so we do not become overwhelmed.
Practise focusing your attention on people when they speak, ignoring superfluous stimuli like background music, people walking past or the way the speaker taps his fingers and honing in on their words, expressions and tone.
When you take time to really listen to someone, you validate them. This is a solid foundation to build connections on. ý Lead an interesting life The people I am most drawn to have life experiences that are out-of-the-ordinary, that are different to mine.
Your life may be interesting because you come from a minority ethnic group, because you have travelled extensively or because you are an avid nature enthusiast.
Work at engaging in different activities; these will influence your perspectives and give you exposure to like-minded people. Leading an interesting life will be attractive to the right people. ý Tell stories with humour There is two Ted Talks that stand out because they contain the elements of humour and storytelling: Melissa Marshall’s Talk Nerdy to Me and Shawn Achor’s The Happiness Advantage.
Take time to watch both to see examples of great storytelling. Humans remember only 1-10% of what they hear and humorous storytelling is a proven way to make your message more memorable. ý Give something long before you need to ask for anything
In social psychology, reciprocity is a social rule that says people should repay, in kind, what another person has provided for them. That is, people give back (reciprocate) the kind of treatment they have received from another.
Wayne Tinley, from Northbound Financial in Port Elizabeth, has the gift of connecting people at networking events.
He takes people who are standing on the sidelines, hiding behind their coffee or cellphones and draws them into conversations. It is what he gives people long before he may need to ask them for anything.
Use your imagination here; what you give does not have to cost money. It could be a compliment, insight into your hometown shared with a newcomer or a piece of business advice.
Be brave, challenge yourself and the reasons you give yourself for not connecting with anyone.
There is much more to connecting with anyone. If you would like to have a more detailed conversation with us about this, contact info@theofficecoach.co.za