How to identify the different conflict styles

Conflict studies and practice have, until fairly recently, worked with the planning and anticipation of conflict events, and then trying to prepare a strategy for probable occurrences.

However, as anyone who has seen a conflict take an unexpected and dramatic turn, we know that our conflicts do not politely wait around for us to categorise and plan them into manageable proportions.

Conflicts are often unexpected, chaotic, and give us no time for preparation before we find ourselves in the midst of them.

Planning and reflection become luxuries, and we need to protect ourselves as best we can. This observation has caused modern conflict studies to start working with conflict styles as opposed to set conflict situations.

If we learn how to identify conflict styles our own as well as those we are in conflict with we become more flexible, more able to effectively deal with the situation.

This dynamic understanding helps us to better control a situation, and to read what is happening as well as what is required. A conflict style is informally defined as the way a person usually responds to conflict.

These are behavioural orientations people take towards conflict, and one of the strengths of this approach is that we can be taught to improve our conflict behaviour and choices, they are not rigid cages of conduct and outcomes.

There are popularly five main conflict styles, and over this and the next six weeks we will spend one week on each conflict style, and then conclude our study with an assessment of which conflict style works best for us, and what we can learn from the conflict styles used by others.

For now, the five conflict styles are competing, avoiding, accommodating, collaborating and compromising.

We will look at the strengths and weaknesses of each conflict style, consider how to identify and respond to each conflict style when used against us, and how to choose the most effective conflict style in each situation.

This already then teaches us that there is no “right” or always correct conflict style, and that we need to understand the dynamics of what conflict style to use under specific circumstances.

Understanding the conflict styles of others helps us to see creative solutions where others may not see such opportunities, and we become empowered with more conflict confidence and conflict competence as we learn to understand these conflict styles.

Next week we then start with the first of such conflict styles, that of the competitor.

You can contact Andre Vlok at andre@conflictresolutioncentre.co.za for questions and comments.