Anger issues need a calm approach to resolve and avoid further conflict

Ihave been asked to do a short series on a few practical conflict strategies to help deal with anger. We seem to have much to be angry about nowadays.

Unmanaged anger can have an alarming array of negative consequences for us and those around us.

Anger in conflict causes escalation, a breakdown of clear understanding and communication (quite literally) and a decrease in our ability to spot and evaluate best options.

Anger runs on chemical processes, and we are often caught up in those processes lead to. Anger is often a symptom, not a cause, and it is often a reaction caused by fear, frustration, offence being taken, or some perceived threat.

Dealing effectively with anger during conflict has two practical components the overall cause(s) and the immediate, in the moment anger.

It also relates to our own anger and that directed at us by others.

It is best to calmly dissect and consider, preferably far from the actual conflict events, the wider perspective, the reasons for our anger.

What repeated patterns can be observed?

For the more immediate and urgent conflict techniques involving anger, we can do the following:

Anger causes what is known as a refractory period, where we have a cocktail of chemicals dumped into our systems, and where our nervous system and temporary emotional biases severely affect our ability to accurately assess the information around us, or to assess our best options.

This is a neurobiological reality, and there is very little you can do about it, other than (where possible) trying to create a brief space where this can be neutralised.

Delaying a response, calling for time out, getting up to make coffee, all of these breaks can help while your body catches up.

Try to teach yourself the habit of giving yourself this space when you get angry.

Try not to meet anger with anger. Do not return insults. Do not blame.

If hard truths (including insults) have to be shared and decisions have to follow on from them, let them be done when you are calm and after you have considered the consequences, facts and best options.

This in no way means you are being soft or weak, or that you agree with your opponent.

I am certainly not asking you to suppress your thoughts or to prejudice your rights, but I am asking you to deliver your message at the right time.

Doing so when you are angry is hardly ever the best time.