Speaker’s corner
ANUMBER of elderly people retested for driving licences are found to be technically blind. A man in the Eastern Cape was unable to read a number plate from 2m. The worst case was on the outskirts of London when a policeman stopped a man who was driving erratically and found he was blind. His wife, a non-driver, would sit next to him saying, “Drive straight, slow down, get ready to turn right… Now. Okay, straighten out.”
They had been driving to the shops like this for years.
In recent years, several South African licensing departments have commented on the proportion of drivers found with sight impairment. This has led insurance companies to print special forms. Motor and General Insurance Company (Assuring you cash for every crash) Claims form B H 27/92. Accidents due to blindness. (This form is available in Braille.) Name of insured:… Name of person filling in this form for you:…
Quality of Vision (tick appropriate description): hazy/blurred/treble vision/ double vision/can distinguish night from day/blind as proverbial bat.
Optical aids used while driving: blackedout glasses/left eye-patch/right eye-patch/ patches over both eyes/seeing-eye dog. … Details of accident (circle appropriate numeral): My accident was due to: 1. I did not see the building in my path. 2. The excavation into which I plummeted was a car park last time I used it.
3. I did not notice it until I hit the tanker/ airliner/traffic patrol car/bus/military convoy/dynamite truck/pedestrian/civic centre/other.
4. I did not realise everybody drove on the left.
5. I mistook the zebra I hit for an empty zebra crossing. 6. Hooter failed. … If you are claiming for total loss of your car, please state what happened: 1. Couldn’t find it anywhere. 2. I thought the big sign said Municipal Car Park. I found later it said Sibensi’s Car Crushing yard.
3. I mistakenly left my car at Honest Joe’s Car Mart thinking it was a car park. … I drove through the traffic lights because: 1. I thought it was a Christmas tree with lights. 2. Nobody told me about traffic lights. 3. All colours look blue to me.
Dale, a reader, has sent me a compilation of the “world’s worst analogies”:
Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze.
The thunder was ominous sounding, much like the sound of a thin sheet of metal being shaken backstage during the storm scene in a play.
The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.
It came down the stairs looking very much like something no one had ever seen before.
The ballerina rose gracefully en pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a lamp-post.
The dandelion swayed in the gentle breeze like an oscillating electric fan set on medium.
It was a working class tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with their power tools.
He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a refuse truck reversing.