It is NOT about the bike!
AS we march into the third month of 2017, a hoary old subject resurfaced during a discussion I had with a team sponsor last week, which then tied in to a few other things I heard / experienced over the past few days.
1) WATERPOLO: Last Saturday I was proudly watching my son play a schools' 1st team waterpolo match.
If you have not watched waterpolo, do yourself a favour and go watch. It is a bizarre combination of swimming, rugby, wrestling and deception. It is great to watch, unless your child is being mauled. But, after four years of watching my son wrestle through countless waterpolo matches, I have learned to trust he can hold his own as well as he can hold his breath, and he will wrestle, kick, punch, pull, prod and twist with the best of them – until he can’t.
During Saturday’s match my son was forced to “limp” to the side of the pool like a wounded duck with a broken wing after his shoulder seemed to partially dislocate.
As he lay on the side of the pool, literally writhing in pain, both my wife and I were caught up in a dilemma. Should we help him? Or should we respect his teenage angst and let him pretend he does not have parents? My fatherly instinct eventually overcame my respect for his desire for a parentless existence (I figured he would forgive me when he next needs pocket money … or data for his phone).
Besides missing a tour to Johannesburg this weekend (which has been the main incentive for a regular 5am taxi-services to training by his non-parents) it seems no serious damage has been done, but I realised how ill-equipped I am to make a sporting decision about my child.
I was worried about hurting his feeling if I went to help him as he lay in obvious distress on the side of the pool. In other words, my parental instincts were confusing what was best for my child.
2) NORTH CAROLINA: North Carolina lawmakers last week came close to passing a law that allowed parents to choose when their concussed kids can return to sports fields, “instead of approval from a qualified medical professional”.
Luckily sanity prevailed and according to USA Today, North Carolina legislators plan to revise the bill so that only qualified medical professionals can make decisions on kids playing if concussion is suspected.
My older son was a rugby player and during his time at high school I saw some shocking things from parents. I saw a father grab and come close to throwing a punch at a 14-year-old boy after what looked to be a perfectly legal (but hard) tackle on his son. I saw parents screaming at the ref and throwing out threats at boys, coaches and officials.
And I am convinced (and have some proof) that some of the steroid issues blighting schoolboy rugby is with parental consent, and in some cases with parental involvement.
3) MTB DISASTER 1: What really got me thinking about the role of parents was the story a sponsor of a MTB team told me.
A good, but very young, MTB rider in KZN was given a bike as part of her sponsorship. In her first race on the new top-dollar bike, she finished second. The father, because his daughter could not be doing anything wrong, blamed the bike and now there is drama over her sponsorship. The father evidently refuses to allow the daughter to ride the new bike.
4) MTB DISASTER 2: A top young rider recently gave up riding after struggling through a tough year of competing as a semi-pro with a fulltime coach. She was sent to live far from home, but near her new coach, in her first year out of school. It was a decision taken in good faith – by both the coach and the parents, but what concerns me is that neither the coach nor the parents reacted once things started going wrong.
I question if the needs of the young athlete were put first. The result is, in all likelihood, the end of a promising career for a young rider who has already proved she can compete with the top riders in the country.
5) MTB WINNER: And finally, a positive story about a young MTB star who seems to have got it right. Young Tiffany Keep won the UCI Junior World XCO Series event in Paarl last weekend. Add this to recent medals at the SA Road Champs and a long list of successes on the road and off and it is clear Tiffany has the potential for great things.
The difference between her and the two other riders above, is that Tiffany is doing what she seems to love, with parents who look to have achieved that delicate balance of supporting, encouraging and guiding a talented sportswoman, without putting extra pressure on her to fulfil their vicarious dreams. So, what does this all mean? Sport should be fun. If we allow our kids to enjoy it, that should be enough – if they do become superstars, that must be a bonus. As parents, we must be careful. We have too many ulterior emotions to always do what is best for our children.