Speaker’s corner
ON THIS, the auspicious 20th anniversary of the death of the decimal comma, the Speaker’s Corner Organisation (known universally as the SCO whose official organ is The Independent on Saturday) salutes that fearless band of people who supported its campaign against the decimal comma. (Stands up and salutes.)
In the 1990s, as C*H*I*E*F E*X*E*C*U*T*I*V*E O*F*F*I*C*E*R of the SCO and as one of this nation’s movers and shakers, I began advocating the dropping of the comma. It is not easy fighting for a serious cause while moving and shaking.
But, did not my campaign receive thousands of letters, faxes and telephone calls pledging massive public support?
Well, certainly we received hundreds. Well, definitely scores. Well, dozens. Isn’t that so, Threnody? (She’s my secretary, y’know?)
Threnodeeee? Ah, there you are with my tea. Oops! Now I’ve spilt it. (That’s another problem among us movers and shakers. We never get invitations to tea parties.)
What? We received only 11 e-mails? Have you counted that letter from Toti that inundated us in 1998? You have? The long and short of it is that Speaker’s Corner, for years, had steadfastly refused to use the silly decimal comma and it remained uncowed when the comma police came hammering on the door.
The Commission that advocated the comma in place of the decimal point in the 1960s felt the decimal point was “too English” (according to a member of the commission who spoke to me). The Government tried to kid the public at the time that the whole world was turning to the comma.
The decimal comma was a daft device but the law insisted we use it. In official documents decimal commas were suddenly all over balance sheets and documents looking like little tadpoles in spring.
In fact it was mainly the French who favoured the comma. The same French who also favour eating snail’s legs and, in the eighties, exploding atom bombs on other people’s islands.
Who on earth would want to follow the French?Il y a un trou dans ma chaussette! Or Dinawa tse tala! as they say up country.
Remember how computers treated the decimal comma with contempt.
They spat them out like grape pips. Seriously.
Even now, try typing 3,1 and see the words “alpha in numerical mode” flash on to your screen. This is one of the most severe reprimands a computer can deliver. There are only two that are more severe: one is “protocols not configured” and the other “You have performed an illegal operation…”
A renowned anti-comma activist in Pietermaritzburg, Steve McCormick, wrote at the time: “I have just spoken to my friend Ali and she asked me to congratulate you on your successful Campaign Against Comma Abuse (Caca). She says she has been waging her own private campaign for years, and feels it is time to finally put a stop to the comma.”
I salute people like Ali. (Stands up again and salutes.)
Ali, apparently, suggested South Africa invoked capital punishment for using commas.
In the event it was unnecessary. Good sense prevailed. Look how we fought off, with minimum bloodshed, the word “massmeter” which in the 1960s the government insisted English-speakers must use instead of the word “scales”. And remember how we resisted “mass pieces” which they said we must use instead of “weights”.
Ha! Iqanda eliqinile! as they say in Mtubatuba. PLAY ON WORDS I received from Christine Pemberton (now living in India) some clever puns: Dyslexics have more fnu Clones are people, two. Microbiology Lab: Staph Only! Santa’s elves are just a bunch of subordinate Clauses. Cole’s Law: Thinly sliced cabbage. Does the name Pavlov ring a bell? Editing is a rewording activity. I used to think I was indecisive, but now I’m not sure. Boycott shampoo… Demand REAL poo!