Speaker’s corner
LIFF is a tiny village just outside Dundee on the Firth of Tay in Scotland. Years ago Douglas Adams and John Lloyd passed through it and one of them quipped “What is the meaning of liff ?” (Aside): for the benefit of my fellow members of Densa (the club I formed for those of us too dense to quality for Mensa, the club for geniuses) this was their little joke, see? They were making a pun out of that deep philosophical question: “What is the meaning of life?”
Anyway, they joked about the meaning of “Liff ”; and then decided to take the names of other places and use them to describe events or objects for which no English word exists.
This led to a book – The Deeper Meaning of Liff.
An example: this is what they thought up for the Scottish town of Penge: Penge – The expanding arm on which the cuckoo comes out of the cuckoo clock.
Another was: Euston – the U-shaped rug that goes around the lavatory.
An old friend of this column, Jean M Humphreys – I am sure she is a Mensan – suggested that I seek meanings to South African place names. She also sent me a few of her favourites The Deeper Meaning of Liff whose authors were friends of hers.
Glenwilly (Scot.) – A small tartan pouch worn beneath the kilt during thistle harvest.
Bude – a polite joke reserved for use in the presence of the vicar.
Tingrith – the feeling of silver paper against your fillings.
Lusby – the fold of flesh that shows over the top of a bra too small for the wearer.
Cowcaddeng – a set of 12 cowcaddengs makes an ideal and completely baffling wedding gift.
(Dear Uncle Bob and Aunty Mabel – my husband Eustace and I thank you for your lovely wedding gift of a set of cowcaddengs which we have put on the sideboard next to the 18th century gweneel bloogers which belonged to his family.)
Jean suggested I invite readers to offer meanings for South African place names. She kicks off with: Philippolis – A female police spokesperson. Modderfontein – Mother of all fountains erected to celebrate the millennium.
Granaatsboskolk – sound of hospital bedpans in the early hours of morning. Readers responded with: Isipingo – the sound made by a small stone as it chips the windscreen.
Bonteheuwel – a nasal parasite passed from wild ungulates to man.
Jolivet – a heart-shaped duvet for a honeymoon bed.
Mpumalanga – the noise made when passing wind in the bath.
Ramahutsi – grisly 18th century Congolese execution method.
Prolecon – clever ruse to cheat villagers out of chickens.
Tadcaster – one of the small swivel wheels on legs of heavy antique armchairs. Xaba – (Xhosa) Great grandfather. Zuiping – custom of drinking thin putu through hollowed-out duiker shin bone. More difficult towns Speaking of towns – years ago I invited readers to submit limericks based on South African place names. I warned it wasn’t going to be easy – especially with names like Voortrekkerhoogte and Phutaditjhaba.
It produced so many submissions it made a Penguin book, Great South African Limericks. Guess what towns came first and second? First prize went to Jeremy Hele of Cape Town who wrote: By mistake my ticket was bookte A place called Voortrekkerhoogte But when I got there It was dismal and bare Not really a place I toogte. Second prize went to the late playwright, Ken Marshall: A place called Phutaditjhaba Boasts neither airport nor harbour; But it does a plaza, Two pubs and a spaza, And a road that runs through to Letaba.