Speaker’s corner
EARLIER this month I wrote of a little dog, described by a schoolgirl, Belinda, in an essay. It prompted “Fran” in Berea to send me a list of quotes that “make one realise why we love dogs above all other animals”. It’s not surprising. After all, we’ve associated with them for tens of thousands of years.
Cats, of course, have no time for them. Jealousy, I suppose.
Somebody remarked: “Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.”
A friend who is a long-standing member of Mensa and an authority on IQs estimates that while a dog’s IQ is probably around 30, a cat’s is 40. The average human is 100.
Anne Tyler might have hit the nail on the head when she said: “Ever consider what dogs must think of us? I mean, here we come back from shopping with the most amazing haul – chicken, pork, half a cow. They must think we’re the greatest hunters on Earth!”
On the other hand, John Steinbeck wrote: “I’ve seen a look in dogs’ eyes, a quickly vanishing look of amazed contempt, and I am convinced that basically dogs think humans are nuts.”
It’s been suggested that the reason dogs have so many friends is that they wag their tails instead of their tongues.
Ann Landers warned: “Don’t accept your dog’s admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful.”
The quote I liked best from Fran was by Andrew A Rooney: “The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.” Do good dogs go to heaven? Will Rogers said if dogs aren’t allowed in heaven “then, when I die, I want to go where they went”.
James Thurber had a similar thought: “If I have any beliefs about immortality, it is that certain dogs I have known will go to heaven – and very, very few persons.”
Sigmund Freud said: “Dogs love their friends and bite their enemies, quite unlike people, who are incapable of pure love and always have to mix love and hate.” More quotes collected by Fran: “No dog should ever jump up on the dining room furniture unless absolutely certain that he can hold his own in the conversation.” – Fran Lebowitz
“There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face.” – Ben Williams
“A dog is the only thing on Earth that loves you more than he loves himself.” – Josh Billings
“We give dogs time we can spare, space we can spare and love we can spare. And in return, dogs give us their all. It’s the best deal man has ever made.” – M Facklam
“A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance and to turn around three times before lying down.” – Robert Benchley
“I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult.” – Rita Rudner
“Anybody who doesn’t know what soap tastes like never washed a dog.” – Franklin P Jones
“If your dog is fat, you aren’t getting enough exercise.” – Unknown
“Outside of a dog, a book is probably man’s best friend; inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read.” – Groucho Marx
A reader, years ago, told me why his dog was a slow walker: “At every tree he stops to read his wee-mail.”
FAMOUS LAST WORDS: I have Pete to thank for these not terribly famous last words… What does this button do? Are you sure the power is off ? I’ve seen this done on TV. These are the safe kind of mushrooms. This doesn’t taste right. Nice doggie. I can do that with my eyes closed. Duck? What duck? That’s odd. Now, watch this.