Unruly, unmanageable Trump
ALARMING news from Washington – President Trump has been gelded. Er, correction. President Trump has indeed been gelded but the news comes not from Washington but from Cape Town.
President Trump, a racehorse named after the US head honcho, was gelded at Snaith’s Racing stables at Philippi, Cape Town, after proving difficult to train.
“He was unruly and unmanageable,” says trainer Justin Snaith, holder of the world record of eight winners in a day. “All he wanted to do was jump the fillies.”
The son of Philanthropist, President Trump was bought by Etienne Braun for R200 000 at the Emperors Palace Select Yearling Sale in April last year.
Says Snaith: “President Trump was also very vocal and would just not focus on his work. I considered blinkers and a tongue-tie but he was so unmanageable that we had little option but to geld him.”
Snaith said President Trump had a bad attitude and was a nightmare to work with.
I emphasise, we are talking here about a racehorse, not the US president. Let there be no misunderstandings. The congressional hearings into the supposed Russian connection are bad enough.
Green-shirt gang
AND more breaking news from Ireland – the Gardai (police) in Dublin have asked for witnesses to come forward regarding a brutal crime against 15 Englishmen on a recent visit to Dublin who were robbed of a Grand Slam they had come to collect and also had their chariot badly vandalised.
This heinous crime was carried out by a gang of 15, who were joined by another eight later on in the attack. All were dressed in bright green shirts and all this was in broad daylight in front of 64 000 people who gathered around the gang attack and just stood there cheering, clapping and singing The Fields of Athenry as if encouraging the gang.
A Gardai spokesmen said this: “This sort of attack is just sickening. One of the victims was a young lad called Owen Farrell who was on his first trip to Dublin and has been traumatised by the whole shocking experience, and to make matters even worse, his father was forced to watch the entire crime from start to finish and could not lift a finger to protect his son from the sickening and relentless battering meted out by the conspicuously dressed greenshirted gang.”
The spokesman continued: “We are following a number of leads and believe this greenshirted gang may be linked to a similar attack on a group of New Zealand tourists in Chicago last year.”
Good for you
YES, the reverberations of Lansdowne Road continue. Last week, reader Dave Bramble predicted that the Irish would step up their production of Guinness because the smell of it that pervades Dublin always puts off the Poms.
Now he quotes the famous advertising line: “Guinness is good for you!”
Sharks
MEANWHILE, Doug McGarr comments on the Sharks.
“I think the Natal side of 1990 would beat the current Sharks by at least 50 points. “Only 50 points? “Yes, the 1990 side are in their 50s now.”
Einstein perspective
ROB Nicolai, Howick’s resident theoretical physicist, brings to bear Einstein’s theory of relativity on the Sassa/CPS social grants debacle.
“E=MC2 is really Energy=Mass times Speed of Light squared. Nothing goes faster than light (300 000 kilometres per second) except possibly Bathabile Dlamini’s reputation in a complete vacuum of competency – but more research needs to be done.”
He sends a further message to elucidate.
“The exact speed of light (C) is actually 299 792km/ sec. Going even faster at the rounded-off 300 000km/sec would either cause one to go back in time or the universe to unravel, which is a risk not worth even attempting – unless we could send Minister Dlamini back in time three years to not allow the grants crisis to happen. But trying to predict what Bathabile would do as a time traveller is beyond the scope of anyone’s mind.”
Thank you, that puts it into perspective.
Tailpiece
CRUISE passenger to purser: “I wish to complain. I went to my cabin and I found a common seaman using my shower.”
Purser: “What do you expect in second class? The captain?”
Last word
WE NEED a president who’s fluent in at least one language. – Buck Henry