Women are steering the ship
BIG goings-on this week in Holyrood, the Scottish parliament. The issue: whether or not Scotland should hold another referendum on independence, following Brexit. It was fully played out on overseas TV.
There was First Minister Nicola Sturgeon (Scottish Nationalist Party) arguing vociferously for Scotland to leave the UK and stay with the EU. There was Ruth Davidson (Tory) arguing just as vociferously against; Tezia Dugdale (Labour) equally vociferous against.
All three women. And as the camera panned, the benches surrounding them as they spoke seemed to contain a high proportion of women – around Davidson especially.
Now this is Scotland. There’s always the risk of confusing the kilt with the skirt. But not in this case. Sturgeon, Davidson and Dugdale were not in tartan. Nor could they, by any stretch of the imagination, be members of the Black Watch or the Argyll and Sutherland Highlanders, who had wandered into Holyrood. They are feminine, very much ladies.
And they’re effective parliamentarians, all three of them. Good manners too – yet pulling no punches. Appealing, in fact, if you compare them with the House of Commons (where Theresa May looks more and more like Donald Trump, even in hairstyle) or our own Parliament, which so often resembles a Balkans punchup.
Women are steering the ship in Edinburgh. Is this the same Scotland that produced John Knox, the 16th century reformer who ranted against “the monstrous regiment of women”? (Knox was against women being on various European thrones. He’d have hated the present British set-up with a queen, a woman prime minister and women first ministers in Scotland and Northern Ireland).
We live in different times – but I still refuse to watch women’s rugby.
Oh dear
GHANAIAN guest footballer Mohammed Anas played a two-goal blinder for Free State Stars against Cape Town Ajax the other day, and was named man of the match.
In his post-match interview he said: “Firstly, I appreciate my fans. And my wife and my girlfriend.”
Then he stopped. Then he began to stutter. “I’m so sorry, my wife! I love you so much from my heart! There is still more to come.” Then the stuttering got worse.
At which point the interview ended.
It’s known as an own goal.
Irish ballad
ZIMBABWE-style confiscation of farmland has become a more-thansomewhat contrived issue that is dominating the news these days. A reader sends in his comment, to the tune of Danny Boy. Oh Farmer Boy, the folks, the folks are calling From field to field and round the countryside The crops are gone and all the cattle lowing Yes it’s you, it’s you we forced to leave and hide. But come you back, our stomachs growing hollow For the food and jobs our country needs to grow, We’ll be waiting here in sunshine or in shadow, Oh Farmer Boy, Oh Farmer Boy, we need you so.
In shape
OVERHEARD in the Street Shelter for the Over-Forties: “Apparently you have to eat healthy more than once to get in shape. This is cruel and unfair.”
Sleeping snake
SNAKES don’t feature in the Alaskan wildlife catalogues. Yet here one was – a metre in length, fat and pale in complexion – curled up fast asleep in an aeroplane on a flight between Aniak and Anchorage. A dilemma.
One might have thought the adage of sleeping dogs might also be applied to sleeping snakes. But not on the airline Ravn Alaska. A flight attendant grabbed the snake – not knowing if it was venomous or not – and dropped it into a plastic rubbish bag before it could wake up properly. It then went back to sleep again in a luggage compartment.
The snake turned out to be non-poisonous and a pet that had been left on the aircraft by mistake by a previous passenger.
Who takes snakes on scheduled flights? Chameleons, yes. Leguaans, yes. They’re fun. But snakes frighten other passengers and crew. On reflection: let sleeping snakes lie.
Tailpiece
IT’S A tie-breaker in the pub quiz.
“Name three varieties of fish beginning with the letter ‘K’.”
“Killer shark, kippered haddock, Kilmarnock.” “Kilmarnock isn’t a fish.” “It’s a plaice.”
Last word
I’M LAZY. But it’s the lazy people who invented the wheel and the bicycle because they didn’t like walking or carrying things. – Lech Walesa