A practical way to follow through on your goals
FOR years, whenever Vik Kapoor spoke before a crowd, his stomach swirled with anxiety, his heart raced and he concluded each lecture drenched in sweat.
“My fear of public speaking affected my self-confidence, which is why I made it my New Year’s resolution to tackle this problem,” said Kapoor, a life coach and adjunct professor at Howard University’s law school.
“Initially, I tried to lessen my fear by looking for simple solutions. I vowed to wear black whenever I spoke in public to hide the sweat stains and I scheduled a doctor’s appointment to see if a health issue was causing my anxiety. I also decided to become my own cheerleader by giving myself mini pep talks before each of my lectures.”
After coming up with these
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“As soon as I began my talk, my stomach churned and I started sweating. My mind went blank.”
Kapoor became so frustrated that he discarded his resolution.
Kapoor didn’t know it at the time, but he now realises he was suffering from “false hope syndrome”, a tendency to have unrealistic beliefs about what is required to change behaviour.
University of Toronto professors Janet Polivy and C Peter Herman coined the term in 2000 based on their research showing that people frequently underestimate the work needed to meet self-improvement goals. When hope meets reality, the commitment to change often collapses.
Several other social scientists believe that false-hope syndrome helps explain why people struggle to lose weight, quit smoking and exercise regularly.
About 25% of Americans who make New Year’s resolutions abandon them within a week, according to the statistics website StatisticsBrain.com. By February, most people have given up on their resolutions altogether.
Sasha Albani, a psychotherapist and marriage and family therapist in San Francisco, said the key to sticking with a resolution is to make sure it aligns with one’s personal values.
“We are more likely to follow through on our goals when we make value-led decisions. For example, if we value the physical and mental health benefits of exercise, we’re more likely to succeed at beginning a new exercise programme,” Albani said.
She said our goals are harder to accomplish when our values clash.
For example, let’s say that you want to stop drinking coffee and soda, but you really value how alert caffeine makes you feel. In this case, it’s going to be more difficult to change your behaviour.
A theory of behaviour change known as acceptance and commitment therapy, or ACT, may help some people stick with resolutions.
According to the American Psychological Association, ACT therapy may work particularly well when we want to change a bad habit, but we are unclear about the barriers that could get in our way.
This psychological intervention can help increase cognitive flexibility by showing people how to identify their values and the steps they need to take to change their behaviour.
“ACT therapy breaks down goalsetting into three steps by using the guiding principles of values, commitment and willingness to change,” said Daniela Tempesta, a psychotherapist and life coach in San Francisco.
According to Tempesta, these are the psychological components that are necessary for achieving your new goals.
After several years of failing to keep his resolutions, Kapoor contacted an ACT psychotherapist. He quickly learned that while he valued speaking confidently, he didn’t value himself. When he had tried to give himself mini pep talks, he spoke to himself unkindly.
“I’d tell myself, ‘Anyone can do this, it’s easy, just pull it together.’ I realised that this was negative self-talk and not a pep talk at all,” Kapoor said.
With the help of his therapist, he learned how to apply ACT in a way that set him up for success.
“I realised that my fear of public speaking stemmed from a deep worry about not trusting myself. My anxiety was my body’s way of propelling into the fight-orflight response. Once I identified this insight, I had to examine why I didn’t feel confident about my abilities,” Kapoor said.
For those who make resolutions, Tempesta suggests looking at the changes to be made and thinking about how they can be achieved.
If you stumble along the way, don’t give up, Tempesta said. Simply notice the thoughts and feelings that block your path and begin again.