Ugly mood abroad

THIS weekend it’s a rugby bye for the Boks and the Sharks. A time for reflection. Saru have called a rugby indaba we so desperately need to fix our game, but it’s only in late October and anyway it will be looking medium to long term. It can do nothing to fix things over coming weeks.

Restiveness is taking hold. An ugly mood is abroad. A report comes in from a fellow who says he left on the front seat of his car two tickets for the Test against the All Blacks at Kings Park on October 10.

“Some swine smashed my window and threw in four more tickets!”

From Switzerland (of all places) I receive what purports to be a grocery flier: “Oxo beef stock; Oxo chicken stock; Springbok laughing stock.”

This is most painful. Even in the cantons of Switzerland they’re rolling about laughing and cracking jokes about our rugby. “Le rugby Sud Africaine? Tres drol! Der Schpringbok ist dumkopf, ha, ha!

Mama mia, hee hee!”

What do we do in the short term? Creative thinking is required. Such thinking is supplied by a reader who always calls himself NDC.

Pat Lambie has to be back in the side. He needs to practise his distance kicking. Saru have to appoint a football referee for the Test.

Then: Lambie kicks off. The All Blacks gather. The ref blows for handball. Lambie places the ball and kicks a penalty. That’s 3-0.

The All Blacks kick off. Nobody gathers. Somebody kicks the ball straight back, football style.

The All Blacks catch it. The ref blows for handball. Lambie places the ball. He kicks the penalty – 6-0… You get the picture? We run out winning by three times how many penalties you can kick in 80 minutes.

Well, at least somebody’s thinking creatively.

Wine notes

SOME weekend fare:

T-shirt: “Not to get technical… but according to chemistry alcohol is a solution.” Letter: “Dear Alcohol “We had a deal that you would make me prettier, funnier and a better dancer.

“I saw the video. We need to talk.”

Pub slate: “Of course size matters – no-one wants a small glass of wine.”

Pub slate: “People who wonder whether the glass is half empty or half full miss the point. The glass is refillable.”

Wine tanker sign: “In case of accident bring cheese and crackers. Lots and lots of cheese and crackers.”

Pub slate: “Did you know that two to three glasses of wine per day can reduce your risk of giving a damn?”

Quiz time

PUB quiz: How long did the Hundred

PICTURE: AP Three rare newborn white tigers with their mother Mandzi just hours after they were born at the private Zoo Safari in Borysew, Poland, yesterday. The caretakers don’t want to disturb the family and have not yet checked the sex of the cubs.