Help THEM OVERCOME SHYNESS
It’s back to school season again, with thousands of children preparing to attend class and make new friends. But not every child is excited – because, chances are, they suffer from extreme shyness. They aren’t the only ones. Stars such as Beyoncé Knowles, Lady Gaga and Elton John all sing and perform, and have high public profiles, but they’re also very shy. The dictionary defines shyness as being “not at ease with other people, bashful and cautious or unwilling” to relate to others. Yet, in the case of all three musicians, in spite of being shy, they haven’t let this trait hold them back from pursuing successful careers.
Various studies have been conducted on which is also known as Behavioural Inhibition (BI). In 2014, a study by US developmental psychologists Dr Koraly Pérez-Edgar and Dr Amanda E. Guyer, titled Behavioral Inhibition: Temperament or Prodrome?, showed that characteristics of shyness could be seen as early as the first few months of a child’s life. “Some infants display a heightened sensitivity to uncertainty in the world around them, leading them to fearfully withdraw from the social environment,” they wrote.
“Extreme forms of this temperament, BI, are associated with increased risk for social anxiety disorder. BI is evident in early childhood and is marked by a persistent tendency to display fear of approaching new things, social shyness and with unfamiliar people. Learning to navigate the social world is a core developmental task. Children must create for themselves a stable understanding of who they are as individuals and their place within the specific social context that surrounds them.”
Yet the entertainers named above are good examples of people who’ve overcame shyness and have been able to create a stable understanding of who they are, as Pérez-Edgar and Guyer found. Shyness didn’t take a toll on their personal shyness, happiness and professional success. It’s possible to help your child overcome extreme shyness so they can live more rewarding lives, just as others have done. You as a parents have a pivotal role to play in this. Psychologists suggest the following eight steps as a guideline: Without taking over a child’s life and making all decisions for them, a parent can, and should, provide assistance from time to time. Sibongile, 32, a banker, helped her son overcome his reserved nature by first getting him to open up to his cousins. “My son would always hang on to me at family gatherings and wouldn’t even want to play with his cousins – that’s how shy he was. I helped him by taking his hand and introducing him to the other kids. It started slowly, but soon enough, they were inseparable. He just needed a little help,” she says. If a child is invited to a party, have him or her find out who will be there, where they go to school and what interests they have. Psychologists call this technique “social reconnaissance”. If your child has been invited to a party but is hesitant or fearful about going, those concerns can be relieved by making some discreet inquiries. Will there be other children there whom your child knows? If so, knowing that will probably make him or her more comfortable about attending the party. If there’s no one your child knows well, then encourage him or her to see the party as an opportunity to meet new people and make friends, thereby broadening his circle of friends.
It’s important for your child to show up. While the easy way may be to avoid situations that are uncomfortable, this won’t help them overcome their shyness. “Nothing succeeds in overcoming shyness as much as experiencing social successes.