Special Report – Dying To Be Famous
In a recent shocking survey, young people suggested they’d dump their partners or disown their families for a stab at social media fame. What’s with our lethal digital self-obsession?
After fitness bunny Sbahle Mpisane was critically injured in a horror car crash in Durban last August, social media followers were quick to express their concern. Barely a month later, her young brother Andile took what he called his ‘glam squad’ to her hospital bed and posted a video of her on Instagram in a new sleek weave, velvet grown and great make-up – but dazed and heavily medicated. For once, even avid social media users thought it a step too far. A backlash erupted, and within a day the video was taken down. The Mpisane family released a statement that they had not authorised it, and that Sbahle had been “exploited”.
Yet, Andile’s actions are far from unusual in an age where our obsession with social media fame often comes at the cost of compromising our morals and standards. Some stand accused of going so far as to leak their own sex tapes, and in
Kardashian Dynasty, author Ian Halperin claims
Kim’s ‘momager’ Kris Jenner deliberately leaked her daughter’s infamous sex tape in 2007, in a publicity stunt that made the family famous.
THE PRICE OF LIKES
Many even risk their lives for a selfie-shot at fame. It happens the world over, from India, where three New Delhi college friends were run down by a train while attempting a ‘daredevil selfie’, to Romania, where 18-year-old Anna Ursu died after climbing on the roof of a train and sticking one leg in the air for a selfie – her foot touched an overhead electric cable. In the US, 22-year-old Pedro Ruiz insisted his heavily pregnant girlfriend fire a high-calibre pistol into an encyclopaedia he held in front of his chest for a YouTube stunt, swearing the 4 cm-thick book would stop the bullet – it didn’t. And closer to home, in December, a Cape Town imports manager lost her footing while reportedly leaping in the air on the cliff edge of Lookout Point above the beach where she had married the previous year, for a snapshot to celebrate her 31st birthday. She plunged to her death.
NEW PRIORITIES
Millennials (people aged around 23 to 38) are especially vulnerable to going to dangerous lengths, according to a recent survey by Australian social media talent discovery app Clapit. It found that one in 14 would ditch their partner for a stab at fame, one in 12 would disown their families, one in 10 would sacrifice their tertiary education, and one in nine would give up marriage and the prospect of having kids.
It starts early: in another survey of children aged nine to 15, conducted by Yalda Uhls – a child psychologist and researcher at the University of California’s Children’s Digital Media Center – 38% ranked fame near the top of things they most valued, in a list that included community feeling, financial success, self-acceptance, achievement, tradition, image and kindness.
What feeds this relentless drive for fame? Uhls, who wrote a book on the effect of social media on children, Media Moms & Digital Dads, reports that kids who used social media more and watched more TV desired fame more, and warned that this craving was cause for concern, especially if “the desire for fame is just for fame and not to actually do the work or be recognised for a skill.”
THE FAME GAME
This drive for fame and celebrity status is far from new. Since mankind’s earliest days, religion has presented us with gods and saints that we literally worshipped. Mythology is filled with heroic role models, from Hercules with his exceptional strength, to beautiful Helen of Troy, whose face reputedly launched a thousand ships, and we’ve celebrated powerful leaders from Hannibal to King Shaka. The allure of social media is an arrestingly democratic one, in that it now allows any one of us to attain fame very easily, without needing to break a sweat and strive for it, or to be born with an innate talent or advantage, such as royal lineage, like in the case of King Shaka, or great bone structure in Helen’s case. All we need to do is post our curated images and comments on social media, assisted by an evergrowing selection of filters and apps on our smartphones and laptops.
Our prize? Instant gratification and affirmation, in the ‘likes’ and followers we garner. “For those of us without strong and meaningful
recognition and affirmation from our families and communities, including our friends and schools, the appeal is almost irresistible,” says Dr Felicity Coughlan, director of the Independent Institute of Education based in Joburg, where the issues of social media are now part of the curriculum in many courses because of the impact, both positive and negative, on virtually everything.
Adds Gareth Carter, Cape Townbased director of WeDoRecover. com, which offers treatment for addiction, including internet addiction: “Seeking popularity via social media could well indicate self-esteem or adjustment issues. The superficial vanity may reveal a desperate need to be liked and followed, especially for teens navigating their growth. How do you stand out from all the white noise of social media as a unique individual? Dying for an ‘epic selfie’ is absurd, yet done by rational people.”
Those of us with real talent and a steady existing dose of recognition are not immune – there’s pressure to grow our following and become brand influencers and social media megastars, Coughlan says. “The affirmation is addictive, with a never-ending pressure to get more and be more, and an almost certain disappointment when the young person eventually understands the difference between real recognition from people who should matter to her, in comparison to the empty adulation from ‘fans and followers’.”
And when there’s no longer a sufficient stimulus (emotional reward) from the social media fame, the danger is that the high will be supplemented with risky behaviour or even addictive substances. As Lady Gaga sings in Applause, “If only fame had an IV, baby… I live for the applause.”
HIDDEN DANGERS
Living for validation from others, relying on likes and retweets for our self-esteem, puts you
at the mercy of a fickle world. And when the attention fades, as it will, you can be left feeling empty and depressed. “The desire to be famous is connected to unhappiness,” says Jean Twenge, co-author of The Narcissism Epidemic: Living in the
Age of Entitlement. “Research has shown that people who value money, fame and image are more likely to be anxious and depressed.”
“When we lust after this person, this other ‘us’, the end game is to believe this is who we really are,” says Dr Elias Aboujaoude, professor of psychiatry at Stanford University in the US and author of Virtually You: The Dangerous Powers
of the E-Personality. “But when something happens that reminds us that our real lives aren’t as rosy as our social media personas, it can be hard to accept,” he continues. Like any addict, we’re then driven to chase the high of approval again, and the cycle goes on. “Our brains didn’t evolve to know how to handle these technologies,” Aboujaoude says, adding that, “We don’t have a template for how to deal with this in a healthy and balanced way.”
PLAYING SAFE
What, then, is the solution? It would be unrealistic to suggest totally unplugging from social media platforms in an age that lives by them – for others, their work demands that they be online. It’s also unnecessary, says Aboujoaude. “Simply being aware of how they’re affecting you, and then approaching them with a more informed and balanced mindset, can really help,” he advises. Be aware of the traits of narcissism (obsessive dependence on others’ approval, a sense of grandiosity, constant attentionseeking), and monitor yourself for them in your online dealings. “Try to cultivate counter traits, such as gratitude and authenticity, and a genuine appreciation for the actual achievements of others, and to focus on community and the well-being of others, not just yourself,” Coughlan says.
“This is not about false modesty, as you have every right to be proud of what you achieve, but you know you have the balance wrong when you find yourself on a trawl through your Facebook or Instagram posts, counting ‘likes’ of posts that are really just about things that happened to you without any effort on your part,” she continues. If this sounds familiar, counter it by socialising with real people, taking a social media break, or committing to only posting and acknowledging things people do.
While it’s healthy to have dreams and to use them to motivate you to work hard at your talent, understand the reality of fame. As Grammy Award-winning Lecrae put it in an interview with fellow hip-hop artist Timothy Welbeck, even with all the accomplishments, money and awards, “It didn’t stop the pain of loss, didn’t stop grief, and didn’t stop depression. Those things don’t bring you fulfillment. They are gratifiers, not satisfiers.”
In the end, Aboujaoude says, “You just have to live your life, and try to focus on the one that actually matters.” That’s only the one happening at this moment – not on social media, but in the real world.