Sex – COVID -19 Intimacy
Getting your groove on can be tricky with social distancing being the rule of law in Mzansi
Life, as we know it, has changed and a new reality, defined by social distancing and self-isolation, has transformed how we live. We are now in the sixth month of our new normal. The coronavirus has disrupted our daily habits, and pushed us to find and embrace new ways of doing things. This includes how we experience intimate moments. So, how do we get to scratch our sexual itch in the light of limited physical interaction?
WE ARE BUILT TO TOUCH
In an article published in the Washington Post titled “True Stories of Sex Starvation During Self-quarantine”, senior research fellow at the Kinsey Institute Helen Fisher explains that touch is an absolute essential for humans. “We’re mammals – we’re built to touch,” she says. This essential need can be traced to the need of belonging, as unpacked by Abraham Maslow in his five hierarchy of needs theory, where the need for intimate interpersonal relations ranks as the third most important human requirement.
Author and psychologist Doreen Dodgen-Magee affirms this theory in her writing on the Psychology Today portal that as social beings, we need touch and social connections. “The absence of such sensory experiences is being felt deeply during this time. However, it is still crucial that we comply with physical distancing guidelines, and learn to address our needs for touch within our settings.” Makabelo Motaung, social dating and pleasure coach, agrees that the current time forces many of us to look at alternative ways to feed this need – whether by drawing from the self or by exploring virtual and new intimate socialisation options. “Unfortunately, those who thrive on physical touch and deem it as a big part of their sexual need are suffering the most.” So, what alternatives to physical intercourse can keep us sexually fuelled?
THE SOLOIST
For 36-year-old Seipati Moreosele*, going solo is central when it comes to her sexual moments. As a serial singleton whose sexual life before the pandemic was a collection of experiences from various casual partners, pleasurable self-touch fills her sexual gap during this time of isolation. “I’ve realised that the safest sexual partner for me right now is myself. As a sexually liberated individual who gets aroused and fuelled by different people’s sexual energies, I’ve opted to go solo.” This, she says, is based purely on the fact that she cannot monitor the movement and social behaviour of her little black book contacts as she doesn’t live with them.
“When you consciously choose to be single and tap into no-strings attached sexual encounters, there’s a lot of precautionary measures to consider,” she explains. “Before the virus I had control over these measures. Today, my sexual needs are literally in my hands as masturbation over some good adult content has become my source of pleasure.” Moreosele adds that porn allows her to still experience diverse sexual moments, from an array of online catalogues, while also discovering her unknown sensual pressure points.
THE VIRTUAL EXPLORER
Mother of two Siviwe Makgobo* has been with her boyfriend for two years. The outbreak of the coronavirus and need to comply with the national lockdown regulations has impacted greatly on her relationship. “My man and I don’t live together, and as a mother, I need to ensure that I live by example. Therefore, I need to stay at home and abide by the no-visitors rule set by our body corporate – regulations that have changed the dynamics of my relationship.” For Makgobo, this means no more sleep overs or romantic weekend aways to get her sex on.
“Pleasuring each other is important in our relationship as we both feel that intimate sexual connections bring us closer to each other. We don’t have the convenience of seeing each other daily like other couples.” What remained normal during this time for the two lovers is their form of communication. It has now become their virtual intimate connector. “We’ve started using our usual two platforms for our intimate moments. And, we’re slowly learning the art of virtual sex – from random sexting moments during the day to scheduled live sexual video sessions that have allowed us to virtually play out some of our fantasies.” Makgobo adds that while the sessions lack that much-needed touch, these virtual moments allow them to fully understand each other’s sexual preferences.
NEW WAYS TO GET SATISFACTION
Motaung says “technology allows couples to still share intimate sexual experiences – from sexting to voice and video calling ”. There are other exciting ways to ignite the sexual passion. “Consider dropping your partner a sexual package. Buy a naughty gift from an online sex platform shop. Get it delivered and schedule a virtual date where you can watch them pleasure and stimulate themselves with it.” She adds that writing sensual letters, reading erotica books and sharing extracts can fill the sexual need. For singles, she recommends discovering safe online platforms where they can meet like-minded friends who are open to sharing remote sensual occasions – this could be through online sexual gamification portals. “You can never go wrong with self-service – masturbation allows you to try out new things and discover more about your sexual highs. We are human and bound to get lonely. We just need to find complying ways to satisfying our need for intimate connection,” Motaung concludes.
*Not their real names