Hard road to recovery
Smanga’s recipe to get over his abusive girlfriend Zitha is easy: avoiding her at all costs and getting professional help.
Smanga (Moopi Mothibeli) isn’t rekindling his romance with Zitha (Zoe Mthiyane) anytime soon after their recent break-up. Although she is begging for his forgiveness, he is worn out from their dysfunctional relationship and he’d rather focus his energy on restoring his shattered self- esteem. “He’s having a hard time keeping his head above water,” says Moopi. Zitha has emotionally and physically torn Smanga down since January this year by talking down at him, yelling at him and “she would even hit him,” adds Moopi. “Smanga still has nightmares of being attacked without a reason! He is desperate to move on from the domestic violence.” The year might have started on a sour note for Smanga but he is taking the initiative to get the help that he needs to recover. “Besides therapy, he joined an online chat group to help him deal with the pain. It’s a tough road ahead but Smanga is taking it one day at a time,” reveals the actor.
AN EPIPHANY
Male domestic violence is still a taboo in society and Smanga prefers talking to a professional than telling his family about the depths of issues that led to his break-up with Zitha. “He’s ashamed of being labelled an abuse victim,” says Moopi, especially because Smanga is the clan leader of the Moroka family and CEO of their marketing company Ezweni. “Being physically abused by the woman that he loved has left him emasculated. He thinks that his family will judge him for not fighting back,” explains Moopi. Smanga comes from a well-respected family and he can’t wrap his head around the thought that the woman whom he still loves, regardless of their break-up, made him feel small, says Moopi. “Zitha would blame him for her temper tantrums, only further proving that she wasn’t willing to be a better person for their relationship”.
BACK TO THE DRAWING BOARD
Smanga has never had a successful relationship and he thought that if he fixed Zitha’s insecurities and irrational behaviour, their love would pull him through. He’d take back Zitha every time that she’d overreact and yell at him and “he was so eager to make their romance work that he justified the abuse as normal ups and downs of a relationship,” says Moopi. Like Zitha, Smanga is broken. His romance with Namhla ( Thulisile Phongolo) in 2016 didn’t last because he was too absorbed in his political career. He then fell in love again in 2018 with his sister-in-law Sphe (Pearl Monama) while she was going through marital issues with his brother Mazwi (Musa Ngema) but she chose Mazwi over him which affected Smanga’s confidence. “Deep down, Smanga believed that if he helped Zitha with her control issues, she’d miraculously transform into a warm and caring girlfriend. It’s the twisted idea that if someone professes their love for you and you feel the same, you feel the need to fix them,” reveals Moopi honestly.
WORD OF ADVICE
Preparing for the gruelling and traumatic scenes with Zitha attacking his character was a touching experience for Moopi. The actor wrestled with the thought of holding back while his character was being beaten by a woman and “to be honest, my ego took a bit of a nose- dive,” says Moopi. “I went back home and looked into Smanga’s psychological position: he wants to be loved so much that he’d hold onto an abusive woman. It happens to a lot of men, so I had to treat the storyline with sensitivity by not judging Smanga’s reason for staying with Zitha,” adds the actor. Having played the storyline, Moopi would advise someone stuck in an abusive relationship to self-introspect and leave the destructive relationship. “We all have boundaries and if a certain line is crossed, you need to love and respect yourself enough to walk away from that chaos.”