ON THE COUCH

every right to expect some peace, relaxation and even deserved self-indulgence but instead find yourselves treated as the Bank of Mum and Dad by a pretty feckless (sorry) 40 year old and her four children.

Your letter is also a timely reminder that the love of a parent and grandparent does not necessarily grow as naturally as the grass in spring, but requires cultivation. And like that grass it can become choked by weeds or dry out.

This seems to be the state you have reached – and who can blame you for feeling frustration?

Having said that, moving house (with all the costs involved) sounds a pretty drastic way of coping with the family situation.

Would moving away actually be running away? If the answer is an honest yes, I can’t find it in my heart to criticise you. But if you have any doubt about this course of action, I must ask if you have tried having a proper conversation with your eldest daughter.

She should have been receiving support from the fathers of her children – especially as the six year old has a whole school life ahead of her. Do you know whether your daughter has tried to get this?

Have you tried to sit down with her and express your concerns over the terrible waste her teenagers are making of their lives? She may resent your views, yet if you have been forking out money you surely have the right to an opinion.

In your shoes, I think I would try to be patient and concerned rather than angry. You know this daughter is struggling; it could be that her lack of engagement over her children’s lifestyle stems from depression – hopelessness which says nothing you do is useful.

It could be that her two failed relationships have left her with zero self-esteem, in which case she could do with help to rebuild her life – and needs much more than cash.

I would like her to talk to her general practitioner about these issues, just to see if counselling can be arranged because a single mother with four children and a low-paid job could go under very easily. Why not make a last-ditch attempt to get to the bottom of what’s gone wrong in this daughter’s life?

But think about this: if you do move away, how do you know the worries won’t haunt you just as much? – Daily Mail