Better wash that dirty laundry fast, Cyril

TO JOBURG, where I have been enjoying languid showers – 10 minutes at a time, sometimes even twice a day – in a bid to slough off the rigours of the drought.

It is a novel experience to lift the toilet seats, here in the north, and not be confronted by some yellowing horror show.

And it is pleasing to turn on the radio and not hear mayor Patricia de Lille reminding us she showers with a bucket every day. Such punctiliousness often sparks off a rash of virtue sharing. Every day? Try every third day, Patsy.

Our ears will soon be bent backwardsby the talk show people telling us they’re down to once a week now and they’re using sand instead of water. Or some such.

On a less droll note, the ruling party’s elective conference has been impossible to ignore. On several occasions this week, I’ve been startled by the appearance of couples proudly waddling about the shopping malls in matching hisand-her ANC regalia.

They do so without shame or fear of rebuke from the public, proud of their association with an organisation that is now a selfdestructive, ravening monster.

That beast remains very much with us and I have, for health and safety reasons, stayed well away from the squabbling circus at Nasrec, south of the city.

I wasn’t surprised, for example, to hear reporters had been roughed up by security guards. The party has apologised but as yet has offered no explanation. Perhaps the goons had grown bored with the hours of nothing happening.

It could also be they were angered by the material journalists posted on social media, such as the embarrassing videos of Jacob Zuma’s reaction to the news Cyril Ramaphosa was party president.

As the cheers rose from Ramaphosa’s supporters, Accused Number One appeared to have difficulty breathing. The look on his face said simply: “Not only am I suddenly and most unexpectedly a lame duck president, but I could be one that is quite dead as well.”

Nkosazana Dlamini Zuma might have lost but her faction did well enough to ensure the Zuptas were still very much in business.

As the philosopher Paul

Valéry put it: “Politics is the art of preventing people from taking part in affairs which properly concern them.” And in Saxonwold, they’ve got that down pat.

And so the ANC remains our worst nightmare, not just the Zuma factions but those deluded elements who insist salvage is at hand and the party will once more be a unified, happy family.

To be fair, though, Ramaphosa did suggest he had the Zuptas in his sights. In his first speech as ANC president, he dwelt on the corruption in state-owned enterprises with some passion.

“We must confront the reality that critical institutions of our state have been targeted by individuals and families through the exercise of influence and the manipulation of governance processes and public resources,” Ramaphosa said.

“Whether we call this state capture or simply corruption, this has undermined the integrity of our institutions, cost our economy hundreds of billions of rands and contributed to the further impoverishment of our people.”

Fine words. But Ramaphosa will need to take action quickly if he is to shut down the brazen looting.

His priorities are clear. Zuma must go. Sooner rather than later. Already there is much chatter about recalling Zuma from office and what some are terming a “dignified exit strategy” for the thief in chief.

We may be kidding ourselves but there is a sense of reckoning in the air. ANC Women’s League president Bathabile Dlamini has amusingly appealed to our better nature – we should be as forgiving of state capture as we were of apartheid.

As she told News24: “South Africans, why are they not forgiving? They always want to label people. Why are they not saying: ‘Let’s listen to Carl (Niehaus) for a change and give him an opportunity to change.’”

All very ja, Noël fine. But we think not. Too much water under the bridge.

Besides, Carl Niehaus? Just thinking about that lying Furby makes me feel dirty. Time for another shower.