Weekend Argus (Saturday Edition)
Top 10 reasons why couples argue
They are often on different wavelengths when it comes to sex and finances, writes relationship expert TRACEY COX
ALL couples argue. Here is a list of 10 common things most couples are likely to argue about.
The issue is often mismatched libidos – one wants it more than the other – though an increasingly common couple issue is porn use. Ironically, while dissatisfaction with sex is a major cause of arguments, it’s often not discussed directly.
Instead, anger over sex problems like feeling hassled for sex or feeling deprived of it tends to be expressed in a passive-aggressive way, through sarcastic jibes or getting upset over small, insignificant things.
It’s new(ish) on the list of things couples argue about, but my guess is this will soon nudge out one of the top three (sex, money, housework).
Pre social media, couples got jealous over people their partners know; post social media, your partner can flirt and potentially hook up with thousands of strangers.
Even worse, you can see some of this interaction happening by social media stalking, inflaming the whole situation.
For some the solution is complete transparency: sharing passwords to everything; for others it is not wanting to know.
“Please shoot me if I turn into my mother/father” is what all kids say when they’re growing up.
But when we’re suddenly in the parent role, we do the unthinkable: turn into our parents and try to bring up our kids exactly the same way our parents brought us up.
Unless you both come from extremely similar backgrounds, it’s unlikely you grew up being parented the same way.
Most parents are fiercely protective over their children so conflicting views on how to teach them about the world is bound to cause drama.
Progress has been made but women still do the lion’s share of housework and social organisation.
The blame for this doesn’t rest squarely on the shoulders of the lazy so-and-so who never makes the bed.
It’s a fact: men who do more housework and involve themselves with the kids have better sex lives and happier relationships than those who don’t.
If one of you cheated in the past you could still be arguing about it now because cheating hurts.
Past infidelity hurts are often tacked onto other arguments, making every argument end up being about the same thing.
The ideal ratio of time spent in a relationship goes like this: time together, time alone, time alone with your friends/family, time together with each other’s friends and family.
Some couples naturally get this balance right, others find they’ve ended up with someone with very different ideas on closeness and intimacy.
People fall in love at
“Move to the other side of the world,” she said wryly. “If you can’t do that, at least keep a sense of humour.”
Squabbles over parents and siblings are common and damaging.
You don’t have to adore his or her family, just have workable relationships with them. You owe it to your partner to be polite and they owe you the same courtesy.
It’s both impossible and exhausting to stay in the “honeymoon” stage forever because the love and sex hormones that fuel it stop releasing over time.
But romance shouldn’t completely disappear to the point where you feel taken for granted.
When asked to be more romantic, five out of 10 men do something like wash their wife’s car. Aside from the obvious cards, flowers, chocolates thing, most men haven’t a clue what “being romantic” means. Women need to give them specific cues.
Matching incomes and attitudes to money mean less problems out of it.
Arguments over money can nearly always be traced to spending styles – which are nearly always inherited from our parents. Match a pennypincher who has grown up in a household where money was tight with splash-it-around who had parents who lavished them with expensive gifts and there’s bound to be trouble. – Daily Mail