Weekend Argus (Saturday Edition)
Life after suicide attempt
IN THE seconds before he threw himself in front of a train Daryl Brown asked God to save his soul.
A weight had been lifted off his shoulders when he decided he wanted to end his pain and his depression.
Capetonian Brown, 31, survived the 2013 suicide attempt at the London Tube Station, but lost his legs. He waited on a bench, playing Sudoku on his phone before he jumped.
“I decided to step in front of a train because I didn’t want to leave a mess or a body for my flatmates to find. I also deactivated my Facebook account and told all my London friends that I was moving back to Cape Town, because I didn’t want any of them to find out about my suicide.
“And I didn’t want to burden my friends or family members with my issues. Everyone had their own troubles and they were dealing with it, so why couldn’t I deal with my stuff?
“It all started when I was 12. I was bullied at school and I thought when I’m done with school it would get better. I went to university and I thought things would get better when I finished my degree.”
Brown decided to move to London to help make himself feel better. He was studying for a Master’s degree in marketing, and he hoped to get a job in the UK.
“But I couldn’t get a work visa. I also had my first romantic relationship there, which ended about six months before my suicide attempt, and I struggled to come to terms with that.
“I felt like a failure in every aspect of my life, and I couldn’t think of anything else I could try to change that might cure my depression. I was out of options and I was exhausted,” said Brown.
“When I decided to move to the UK it was my last hope. Now I was feeling like I had run out of options on how to fix myself. I had felt suicidal before that, but I didn’t act on it because I knew that people were relying on me for projects I was involved in and support that I was giving to others.
“So before I stepped in front of the train, I made sure to tie up all the loose ends. I finished my Master’s, had a farewell party with my friends in London, and my Cape Town friends and family hadn’t seen me in over a year.”
He typed an email to his mother explaining his decision. She would only see it in the morning.
After the attempt, Brown stayed in the hospital for months – this was when he found out that he was suffering from depression. He saw a psychiatrist and was put on antidepressants.
“I then went to a rehab to help me with the physio. Here I saw a psychiatrist and, for the first time, someone saw through the mask that I was wearing, that said everything is fine.
“Real men will do what it takes to make themselves feel better. They can do this by seeking help,” said Brown.
He has since moved back to Cape Town and today is a marketing manager for an online company and a motivational speaker.