Weekend Argus (Saturday Edition)
Mending those broken bonds
Local body teaches fathers to play a constructive role in their children’s lives
IT IS SAID that a father is a son’s first hero and a daughter’s first love.
Despite the valuable role men play in a child’s life, a staggering number of fathers around the world are absent from their children’s lives.
Research shows that fatherless children often turn to substance abuse and gangsterism in a bid to fill the gaping hole left by the absence of their patriarch.
Last year an advertising campaign by a detergent brand shocked the nation when it revealed that 57% of South African kids are raised without fathers.
The statistic was extracted from an infographic by the African Youth Mentorship Network, which cites Statistics SA’s general household survey as its source.
This figure also revealed that 45.7% of biological fathers were alive but were absent from their children’s lives.
This was in comparison to the 11.2% of children whose fathers were dead.
These harrowing statistics paint a desolate picture for fatherless children, who are forced to rely on their mothers, grandparents and external family members, or are simply left to fend for themselves.
A local organisation, Fathers & Kids, is determined to alter this grim reality by creating a programme which allows fathers and their children to forge a bond.
Fathers & Kids operations director Mendy Nkosi said since this project was founded about seven months ago, scores of men and children have bonded and have had opportunities to create memories to last a lifetime.
“Since the inception of the organisation in June last year, we have had great support from various businesses, NGOs and fathers who want to help breed the culture of active father involvement in their children’s lives,” Nkosi said.
He started Fathers & Kids as a way to heal society.
“Fathers & Kids was started on the premise that a lot of societal problems seem to stem from the lack of present fathers in children’s life.
“The emotional strain of such households has bred generations of children who are emotionally troubled.”
Nkosi explained that Fathers & Kids, which operates from Benoni in Ekurhuleni, allows men the chance to re-enter their children’s lives.
They are simply not conscious of how much impact their presence has on children
Through the organisation they can find activities for them to enjoy with their children.
This includes personalised tours, day tours, the booking of accommodation, venues and activities, and personalised gifts for fathers and their children.
Father & Kids also provides the services of international and local flight bookings, vehicle hire, door-todoor and chauffeur services, as well as events and workshops.
These are priced at a level that suits financial capabilities. The proceeds generated are then used to help mostly unemployed and destitute fathers create bonds with their children through the different programmes created by Fathers & Kids.
There are also ways for other men to get involved and play a paternal role in fatherless children’s lives.
This includes a full mentorship programme where men can volunteer their time and commit to participating in activities with children, or they can commit to mentoring a group in their area.
There is also part time mentorship, where men can commit to assisting the organisation at awareness and fundraising events.
There is also the role of ambassador, where men can help Fathers & Kids by generating opportunities for them to extend their network of corporate supporters and host informational evenings and networking opportunities.
Although Father & Kids is in its infancy, Nkosi insists that it has already made a significant impact in children’s lives.
One example was its Christmas event, where kids from orphanages and child-headed households were taken to a funfair in Daveyton.
“The selfless nature of the event had an after-effect that created mostly a lot of self-reflection with feedback from fathers who wanted to book, support and help us become the symbol of change we initially envisioned,” said Nkosi.
He is proud of the impact Fathers & Kids has made so far, but hopes to extend this model into other African countries and even around the world.
“Our ultimate goal is to have the Fathers & Kids model replicated in different countries around the world.
“We feel the dire father situation is not unique to South Africa, but is a worldwide problem.”
While he admits this programme has helped fathers and children around the country spend quality time together, Nkosi said that the country still had a long way to go to heal its painful past.
“I try not to dwell on the apartheid history of our country when discussing this, but that very past has fostered the state of fatherhood in the country.
“A vast majority of today’s fathers, who are mostly black, grew up with exile fathers, emotionally unavailable fathers and a deep lack of nurturing fathers who believe that raising a child is all about financial provision only.
“That blueprint has become a generational curse that plagues fatherhood today. They are simply not conscious of how much impact their presence and emotional availability has on children.”
Apart from projects such as Fathers & Kids, Nkosi believes that fathers, particularly those from South Africa, need counselling, and that more radical approaches to social reform are necessary for them to have a permanent presence in their children’s lives.
Mendy Nkosi