HOW DO I MOVE ON?

Q I’m a 37-year-old man who’s battling to move on after getting divorced two years ago. The pain, anger and regret still haunt me and I don’t know how to move forward. Can you advise me on how to live a healthy life again? Nhlanhla, email A Divorce is traumatic and can be tumultuous emotionally. The end of a marriage is a kind of death and likewise requires a period of bereavement. It can be even more emotionally complex than your spouse dying because in some ways it’s more difficult to let go of someone you loved who’s still alive but whom you’ve lost amid feelings of disappointment, anger and betrayal.

Try the following steps to get your- self on track again. First, don’t think about what might have been because it will never be. Also, stop thinking about what you could have done differently to prevent it, as that also won’t change anything now. Secondly, don’t compare yourself to other men and ask why you weren’t good enough. Don’t tar all women with the same brush and think that women aren’t to be trusted. That’s simply not true. Thirdly, get out there and socialise so you can meet new people, and when you do meet a woman you’re interested in, don’t compare her to your ex-wife. Give potential new partners a fair chance.

It’s normal to miss your ex sometimes, but if you want to move forward remind yourself why your marriage ended. Finally, learn to be happy within yourself rather than looking for someone to make you happy.