I CAN’T BE HAPPY AND STAY FAITHFUL

I’m 44, married and I love my wife, but I can’t stop having affairs. They usually don’t last long – just until the next woman comes along. I don’t think my wife suspects anything, but the affairs are costing me money and if she finds out she’ll definitely divorce me. I did try to be faithful for about a year – we’ve been married for 10 years – and it was the most miserable time of my life. It was as if nothing was exciting any more.

My wife isn’t an adventurous person, while I love adventure and seeing new places. She doesn’t want me to participate in any adventure activities because she’s worried about my safety.

How can I be happy and stay faithful? Rory, email I have a theory that there are basically two broad categories of people. For argument’s sake, let’s call them red and green people. Green people are those who enjoy routine, don’t like to do things on the spur of the moment and don’t enjoy taking chances (financially, with their lives or in any other area of life). They’re wellorganised, like to plan things in advance and want some assurances before they venture into something. Green people are energised by their organisation and by having things sorted out, although now and then do enjoy “red” moments.

Red people, on the other hand, want adventure. They’re energised by it and become bored easily. They may even become depressed if they’re compelled to live a “green” life. Red people, like yourself, enjoy taking chances and love spontaneity.

The affairs you’re having are a way for your unconscious mind to find excitement – it comes from the thrill of a new woman and the risk you’re taking. It will only stop if you change your lifestyle so that you get the thrill you crave from other things.

Explain to your wife that you need adventure in your life in order to be happy. Suggest some things you can do together. If she still doesn’t understand, you may need to go for couples counselling to help you better understand each other’s needs.