I’VE REALISED I DON’T WANT TO MARRY HIM

I obsessed for a long time about when my boyfriend of six years would ask me to marry him and I looked forward to it with great expectation. I thought the happiest time of my life would be when I was organising my wedding.

My boyfriend did eventually propose in February but after we got engaged it was as if I woke up out of a deep sleep. I suddenly saw things I hadn’t seen in the six years of our relationship. It’s all about his needs and what he wants. He doesn’t consider my dreams or needs at all. If I don’t agree with what he says, he tells me I’m stupid. When I ask that we have a nice lunch out on a Sunday he tells me he first has to play golf then calls me from the golf course to tell me he’s still having drinks with his golf partners. There’s never any time to do the things I enjoy or even just spend time together.

When we’re with his friends he makes derogatory remarks about how uneducated I am, even though I have post-school training.

What should I do? My enthusiasm for the marriage has disappeared and I feel as if I’m trapped. Maggie, email It seems your boyfriend helped you by proposing to you. You were in love with the idea of becoming engaged and getting married while not really seeing the person who was the object of your love. But when he proposed and your dream came true, your subconscious realised that reality must now prevail.

Love is about give and take. In a loving relationship both parties must feel valued and uplifted. There’s nothing loving about being derogatory.

Your subconscious mind is telling you to get out of the relationship. Listen to it.