MY STEPDAD WANTS TO CONTROL ME

I’m a 23-year-old woman who still lives at home with my mom, stepdad and younger brother. I work full time and contribute towards the rent, food, electricity and so on but my stepdad still treats me like an insolent teenager. I made mistakes in my teens but they weren’t too bad and it wouldn’t have been an issue if I’d been allowed more freedom.

I thought things would change when I became independent but they haven’t. My stepdad accuses my friends of doing drugs and tells me they don’t care for me. When I refuse to cut ties with them he says I choose friends over family.

I feel stifled. My mother doesn’t say anything or stand up for me in any way. What can I do? Amy, email Most of us make mistakes in our teens as that’s the time when we think we’re wise and independent but in fact are quite vulnerable and impressionable. What’s important is to learn from the mistakes you make then leave them in the past.

Have a serious discussion with your mother and stepfather and tell them you’re tired of being treated like a child when you’re in fact an adult who’s contributing to the family finances. Say you’re open to listening to their advice and opinions but as a grownup you’ll make your own decisions.

Tell them you won’t tolerate them making inferences about your friends if they haven’t got to know them and can’t provide evidence of their accusations. Tell your stepdad it’s not fair to make you choose between your family and your friends as you need both in your life for different reasons.

What your stepdad is doing is essentially emotional blackmail and you shouldn’t let it continue. Tell him if he keeps trying to control what you do you’ll have no choice but to move out and find another place to stay – which of course means they’ll no longer have your financial contribution to rely on.

But be respectful and listen to what they have to say. While you need to stand your ground you should also hear them out. They probably have your best interests at heart, even though it may not always feel like it. Your boyfriend is basically holding you hostage because you’re afraid he might commit suicide if you end things. But, the fact – BRITISH AUTHOR PHILIP PULLMAN Research indicates most people are in fact bisexual and not strictly homosexual or heterosexual. If you find men as well