WE DON’T SEE EYE TO EYE ANYMORE
I’ve been in a relationship for three years and at the beginning it was fantastic as we seemed to have a lot in common. But now my partner only wants to socialise with his friends and drink – something I don’t enjoy. He refuses to socialise with my friends as few of them drink alcohol.
He’s successful at work and he mainly provides for the home although I’m employed and also contribute. Three months ago I started an affair with a much older married man. He paid attention to me and we did fun things together – without his needing alcohol all the time. But a month ago I realised it was going nowhere and felt guilty about breaking up a family, so I ended it and told my partner about the affair.
Now he’s behaving as if he’s completely innocent and says he feels let down. He doesn’t seem to realise he’s been slowly killing my respect and love for him by giving me less and less attention. All we do now is fight. What should I do? Petro, email Your affair is a symptom of an unhappy relationship. But even so, one can understand that your partner feels betrayed and upset. Two wrongs don’t make a right.
If you want to save your relationship, the two of you should consult with a psychologist who can help your partner to understand that his drinking is hurting your relationship. The psychologist could also help you to understand why you had an affair rather than ending a relationship that’s making you unhappy.
It seems that special loving feeling you and your partner had has been lost under a lot of anger and resentment. If you live together, it might be a good idea to get some distance between the two of you for a while. During this time of separation you should have dates where you do fun things again, and perhaps you could each work on your issues with the psychologist. Try to understand each other’s needs and how to fulfil those needs better.
You’re probably both feeling emotionally bruised and to keep fighting will only be detrimental to the relationship. If you are to salvage it, you have to take constructive action. – GREEK PHILOSOPHER EPICTETUS