EVERYTHING HAS TO BE DONE HIS WAY

I used to enjoy Christmas as it was always an enjoyable time in my family when I was a child. We went on holiday as a family and even though we were camping my father made sure we had a Christmas tree and that there were presents for everyone. On Christmas morning we all went to church then had a lovely day together as a family.

Now I’m married to a man who says he’s an atheist and tells me Christmas was created by people just to make money. He refuses to go to my family during this time or even to go on holiday because he says the roads are too busy. We can afford to fly to our destination but he prefers staying at home and working. He doesn’t even want me to make a special meal on Christmas Day. He grew up in an orphanage and doesn’t have any family so he doesn’t know how special family can be and what they can mean to one another. I see my family once in a blue moon and then only for a short while.

We’ve been married for four years and I find I’m becoming more and more unhappy as time goes by. Everything has to be his way – if it’s not, he sulks. We don’t have kids as he told me from the beginning he’s not interested in children. What should I do? Lorraine, email You’re allowing your husband to deprive you of your religion, your family, your right to have children (assuming you want) and your happiness. Let him sulk – you need to take charge of your own life.

Tell him that, as he’s determined to work over the festive season, you’re going to visit your family and have a wonderful Christmas with them. Go to church with them and enjoy yourself. Your husband has his beliefs and values but you have the right to yours.

It’s likely your husband wants to work over Christmas because his job is the only place where he feels fully in control. It sounds as if you and he have different perspectives on life and you may have to consider whether you’re really compatible. His childhood experiences have shaped his outlook – perhaps you should suggest he consults with a psychologist about how it’s affecting you both. – FROM THE BOOK OF THE SAMURAI, BY YAMAMOTO TSUNETOMO