Ask Dr Louise

I was called to my five-year-old daughter’s nursery school and the teacher told me she’d seen her picking up her dress in front of other children. She also told me they’d discovered her and a little boy shortly before that showing their genitals to each other in the bathroom. The teacher said this might indicate she’s been sexually abused and I should have her evaluated by a psychologist. I was very upset as she hasn’t displayed any such behaviour in our home.

I’ve been careful about the people who spend time with and care for my daughter. When my husband and I have had to be away she always stays with my mom, whom she loves to bits. I never allow her to sleep over at friends’ homes or to visit family members, other than my mother, without me. What should I do? Marinda, email It’s not uncommon for young children to play the game “show me yours and I’ll show you mine” simply because they’re inquisitive about the differences between boys and girls. There’s usually nothing sexual about it. However, a child who’s been sexually abused has been made more aware of sexuality and sexual stimulation – and so sexual awareness in a young child can indeed stem from sexual abuse.

Your daughter’s behaviour could be quite innocent, but it’s probably best to have her evaluated by a psychologist trained to make such an assessment. A psychologist can do something called psychodiagnostic play with your child, a process that generally takes a few sessions as one session is usually not enough to determine if a child has been sexually abused.

The psychologist will need to establish a rapport with your daughter and get to know her, as well as what she enjoys and what she fears (if anything). It’s important that the psychologist avoids leading questions and doesn’t assume she’s been sexually abused, so it’s vital you consult with a psychologist who has experience in working with children.