Ask Dr Louise

My life is a mess. I got divorced two years ago because my husband fell in love with someone else and since then I’ve been in several relationships because I don’t like to be alone.

But things haven’t worked out with any of the men I’ve been involved with.

Every time the guy moves in with me things are fine for a month or two. Then we have a fight and he moves out.

I have a young daughter and she’s becoming confused because she just gets used to my new partner and then he leaves. And after a while there’s another one.

I don’t seem to be able to control myself as I tend to fall in love really quickly and then I want the person to be with me all the time. What can I do? Barbara, email Firstly, you need to remember that as a parent you have a responsibility towards your daughter. You’re setting a bad example by changing partners all the time.

What your behaviour is teaching her is that people aren’t trustworthy and that you shouldn’t open yourself emotionally to others because then they leave.

It’s possible that on an unconscious level you’re trying to reassure yourself that you’re attractive and worthy of being loved by getting involved with one person after another.

But having multiple partners means you’re putting yourself at risk as they might not always be open about their sexual history.

Before getting involved with anyone else you should first work through the reasons for your divorce with a psychologist.

You also need to learn to be comfortable with being alone and not to depend on someone else to feel good about yourself.

Being “in love” is often about being physically attracted to someone and not seeing their negative attributes. A good relationship is based on friendship, trust and the type of love that can tolerate a partner’s flaws.