Surrogate mom: the toll on my body
Three times she’s carried other people’s babies – even giving birth to triplets – but it’s taken a heavy toll on her body
SHE believes there’s nothing better in life than being a parent. So she became a surrogate mother to give infertile couples the chance to be parents too. Zelda Cloete has given birth to seven babies – only two of them her own. And bringing them into the world has been the proudest moments of her life, she says.
But Zelda (42) can’t help wondering if the toll it’s taken on her health is worth it. She’s had three surrogate pregnancies and each of them brought her a deep sense of joy.
“Being a surrogate mom makes you an angel,” she says. “But after my last C-section I did wonder: was it a big mistake, the choices I made?”
Zelda’s list of ailments is long. She’s in constant pain and takes about eight painkillers a day.
“I suffer from morning sweats. My abdomen swells to the point where I look pregnant. I have fevers, brain fog, acid reflux and constipation, which never used to be a problem, and endometriosis, which I never had before.”
She’s also battling fatigue. “As a finance administration supervisor I have to be alert. I’m working with numbers and checking other people’s work,” she says.
When she decided nine years ago she wanted to be a surrogate, it was as if she’d found her cause. She’d had two children and felt she wanted to help couples who couldn’t have kids.
“I didn’t know surrogacy was legal in South Africa until I googled it.” Zelda came across a website that explained you could donate eggs or become a surrogate mother.
Her journey began soon afterwards and in 2010 she became the first South African surrogate to give birth to triplets. “It was a nice feeling,” she says.
But she also knows now there’s a lot more to it. “Never did I think there’d be any problems.”
IT CAME as a surprise to hear she was expecting triplets. After meeting the couple, Zelda had three failed IVFs. Then the couple asked her to have three embryos inserted in the hope that one would thrive. All three did, and 33 weeks later Zelda gave birth to two boys and a girl via Caesarean section (C-section).
The babies were small but healthy. But
Zelda was in intensive care for three days due to blood loss. “According to the doctors it was serious,” she says. After a number of blood transfusions her condition stabilised and she was discharged a week after giving birth.
Two years later the agency she’d registered with called to ask if she’d be a surrogate again. “I didn’t hesitate – I was doing something amazing for someone else, right?”
This time it was different because she didn’t see eye to eye with the parents, she says. “It was almost as if I was their child and they were trying to tell me how to run my life – eat this, do that, don’t do this.”
But she soldiered on and gave birth to a girl by Caesarean section in October 2012. “She was healthy and within three days she went home,” says Zelda, who pumped breast milk for the baby every four hours for three months, just as she’d done for the triplets. “I didn’t get as much as a ‘thank you’.”
Three years later the agency contacted her again. “I was hesitant because of the difficult parents I’d dealt with,” Zelda says, adding she’d also turned 39 by then.
But when she heard the couple’s story about their struggle to conceive, her heart melted.
“I asked myself how I’d feel if I weren’t able to have kids of my own. I do think your life isn’t complete until you have kids,” she says, her eyes sparkling. “So I decided to do it one last time.”
MANY people have told her she’s crazy to go through pregnancy for someone else. “Others say I don’t have a heart because how do I give away a baby I’ve carried?”
She didn’t do it for financial gain, which is illegal in SA (see box). “A child’s life isn’t something you put a price on.”
Her third surrogate pregnancy went well. “When you meet the parents-to-be, their gratitude is overwhelming. You’re told more than 20 times a day how amazing you are, that you’re an angel sent from heaven, that you’ll be so blessed in your life for doing this wonderful thing.”
In November 2015 she had a boy, again with a C-section. But her recovery took much longer and she started developing health problems. It’s taken doctors more than a year to get to the root of it and she’s spent about R25 000 of her own money on medication and medical tests.
“I have fibrosis from all the C-section incisions, plus I’ve been diagnosed with a hernia from carrying so many babies,” Zelda says. A hernia occurs when an organ pushes through the muscle or tissue that holds it in place, and fibrosis is a thickening and scarring of connective tissue.
Zelda says she didn’t fully realise what she was putting her body through. The only way to get rid of the scar tissue would be to go under the knife, but that would cost about R64 000. “It wouldn’t heal properly anyway due to the pouch of skin hanging over the previous C-section scars.”
Zelda’s youngest daughter, Courtney is in matric and her eldest, Monique, is getting married in February next year. “I don’t want to look like a hippopotamus in a mommy-of-the-bride dress.”
She doesn’t want to put off other women from being surrogates but urges women to do proper research.
“But even though I have problems now, I’m happy I was able to give those couples the chance to be parents.”
She still gets pictures of the triplets as well as the little boy she gave birth to in 2015. “It’s wonderful to see how cute they are and I can see the difference they’ve made in their parents’ lives.”
But she believes parents who use surrogates should be responsible for medical bills if health problems arise after the birth as a result of the pregnancies.
“This isn’t a life. I can’t live like this,” she says. “I need to be healthy and live a long life for my own kids.”