WHY AM I ALWAYS THE PROBLEM?

I met my husband 12 years ago and we got married 10 years later. I have a 14-year-old son from a previous marriage – my first husband died in an accident.

We live in a Wendy house in someone’s backyard and my husband usually pays the rent, while I pay for groceries and whatever my son needs. But I can only contribute so much – mainly what I get as tips. My husband earns a salary and I get a small grant that goes into the house.

Every now and then my husband will pay something towards the household expenses but he gets angry when he has to do it. He doesn’t buy anything for my child on his birthday or Christmas.

Sometimes I feel we’re just in his way. He never wants to do anything so we never go out or spend family time together. And it hurts that he never says anything nice to me. Whatever I say, his response is, “Think what you want to think!”

I love him because he’s not a bad man, but why do I always have to be the problem? Riehette, Pinetown

It seems as if your husband wants the comfort of a home without having to give much or do much about it. His attitude that your child is your concern is also worrying. If you marry someone who has a minor child, especially if that child lives with you, you become a new family unit.

It can’t be nice for your son that his stepfather doesn’t even give him a present, however small, on his birthday or at Christmas. It’s not about the present, of course – it’s that it shows he doesn’t value your son.

You’ve allowed your husband to get away with a lot. Why shouldn’t he contribute more to the household expenses if he earns more than you do? Talk to your husband and tell him things can’t continue as they are. Ewertqwerxplain that you want more from your marriage. Why does he want to be married if he never wants to spend family time or couple time together?

Tell him you want the three of you to be a family, not just people living together. If he’s not willing to change, you’ll have to think seriously about whether you want to stay in a relationship that’s going nowhere and not giving you anything.