TASTE TEST: JEREMY CLARKSON’S MISSION IMPOSSIBLE

In a recent article in a British newspaper former Top Gear motormouth Jeremy Clarkson offered a suggestion for tackling the global-warming problems caused by livestock: instead of eating cattle, eat a vegetarian.

So how would he react to the Impossible burger when encountering it alongside a regular burger in a blind trial at one of his favourite restaurants in London?

To be fair it should be pointed out that the vegetarian burger looked distinctly jet-lagged by the time it arrived in London after an unrefrigerated 10hour flight from Los Angeles. Chefs at the diner did their best to pep it up but it was clear it had seen better days.

Clarkson began the test with a series of excuses, explaining that his taste buds might trick him into making the wrong choice because of damage caused by years of smoking.

The Impossible burger and a meat burger were served side by side, each in a bun with garnish. Clarkson sampled both. After some deliberation, he chose correctly.

“Beef farmers of the world, relax,” he said, triumphantly. True to form he then launched into a diatribe against “vegetabalists”. “If you’re going to be a vegetarian, you can’t say, ‘I want my vegetables to look like meat.’ You just have to accept that you’ve got to eat like a budgerigar. If there’s some other commercial reason for doing it [making burgers from plants], then fair enough. But just for vegetarianism – pah! Go and eat seeds, sit on a perch and crap on sandpaper. If that’s how you want to live life, that’s fine. Just don’t come crying to me.”

Yet when pressed on his verdict, he said the Impossible burger tasted “okay”. “I mean, there’s nothing wrong with it,” he conceded.

By Clarkson’s standards, that’s high praise. Gates and Google, you may be onto something . . .